WHY RELATIONSHIPS FAIL…AND YOUR LINK TO UNDERSTANDING AND IMPROVING YOURS

FIRST - LET'S UNDERSTAND THE LINK OF LOVE AND WHAT THAT MEANS:

What’s the number one thing that ruins relationships?  Do you know?

Raise your hand.  Yes…That’s the right answer.  What the….?

Yes, you’re probably wondering why in the world raising your hand is the answer to the main cause of ruined relationships.  But let’s clarify this further…

OWNERSHIP is the tweaked, twisted link in your life AS A HUMAN (however, as a soul, there is an entirely different relationship going on inclusion of PURPOSE). 

Let that sink in for a bit.  

***(Elevator music)***

We are individuals and independent spirits from the very second we come to Earth when we are born.  We are whole. We are complete. We are evolved SOULS with an actual purpose, lessons to learn, growth to be had on this planet and ways to carry out something bigger and greater than ourselves.... otherwise we would not be here.  

Sure, as babies we are raised by adults. However, even as infants and young children, we are still very independent souls whether or not we’re living by someone else’s rules.

We are not owned. Though many people ‘claim’ us as ‘theirs.’ 

Suddenly a human being and a soul become OWNED (possessed) like a product. 

The problem lies in that our humans are people, not products.

The soul has only chosen this 'vessel' (key words here CHOSEN VESSEL) to
understand LOVE and RESOLVE LOVE in both higher conscious-self mode of the soul and act out in human form past contracts to reconcile human stuff from past lives.

So what happens in a relationship of any kind?  Ownership.

My parents. My children. My friend. My boyfriend.  My girlfriend. You get the picture.

Suddenly we take ‘ownership’ of the relationship.  While 'ownership' in the positive sense means responsibility, devotion, working on a relationship, investment of time, energy, and emotions... for many, 'ownership' becomes a possessive thing. 

This is where things get messy. 

The SOUL then starts living more as a HUMAN and not a SOUL.  The more we get hurt or betrayed we start to put up walls and defense mechanisms. We lick our wounds and cocoon and suddenly this evolved, perfect SOUL starts to lose itself and become more HUMAN every single day. 

When ownership takes on a possessive turn, ownership becomes control. Now the HUMAN becomes a puppet and so badly wants to ‘fit in’ and be like everyone else. This HUMAN forgot that they originally and initially arrived on the planet as a strong, confident, unique SOUL completely evolved.

Slowly we lose ourselves – every passing day pieces of our confident spirit starts to disappear becoming dependent in our relationships, or co-dependent and less independent.  Where did the SOUL go?  It got lost in the relationship.

Relationships are NOT about controlling another person.  The people in the relationship are still very independent SOULS even if their HUMANS need some guidance, direction, responsibility or occasionally the wake up call to pay attention to do something. 

Default behavior is default behavior.  Learned behavior is learned behavior.  HUMAN actions and reactions are driven by behavior.  

SOULS UNDERSTAND LOVE IS PURE TO BE SHARED and the 'functionality' and practicality of a relationship in human terms is foreign because the HUMAN relationship is based on condition.

The SOUL relationship is all about "LOVE"... pure love from a shared place of love in overcoming obstacles that the human chooses to continue to put in front of the relationship to try and attempt to 'master' the mechanics of communication and relating.

There is soul-detachment from outcome of behavior and rather the goal/mission/purpose of SOUL CONNECTION and HARMONY IN PARTNERSHIP.  Souls operate from multi-level places floating in and out of karmic debt, carried over lessons, missions, purpose, and resolution or dissolve.

Much of the action taking place is a ‘must do’ or a ‘must learn’ level of operating on Earth. SOULS carry out contracts and agreements to either be a catalyst in someone else’s journey or assistance in another SOUL’S evolutionary process.   

Humans need things to live. 

Souls need nothing other than to do what they came here to do. Souls have to carry out their purpose for being here… a higher purpose for being. 

Now EVERYONE floats back and forth if they are living on Earth - which let's face it, unless you're reading this from Mars, you're here.

It is the human vehicle that carries the soul to carry out what the soul came to do. 

So what happens when a HUMAN tries to take control of a SOUL’s mission for the work they came here to do?  Abrasive conflict arises. 

Why?

Relationships on Earth as ‘people’ are a by product of being a human. Humans need to relate, work with, and build communities with other humans and their SOULS have even made contracts with other SOULS inside of humans to assist with why they are here for a higher purpose.

However, with any personal relationship, the relationship gets personal. 

Where do relationships fail?  When the ‘personal’ stuff becomes a roadblock for what the SOUL needs to do. The roadblock is like preventing the SOUL to complete a contract mission because the HUMAN makes demands. 

Some of this is healthy and natural.

When imbalanced… there is destruction to the relationship.  

WHY? EGO steps in... sometimes EGO can be SELFISH.
Healthy relationships of give-n-take to share, support, enhance, celebrate and strengthen are SELFLESS.

There is a difference between Selfish vs. Selfless. 

Selflessness is about maturity... and operating from a place of security to engage in both respect and encouragement, mutually beneficial fulfillment, enjoyment and fortification.

THAT is what a healthy relationship consists of. 

Quite often you hear people say “we drifted apart,” or “what we wanted was different,” or “they’re not the same person.”  

TRUTH?  The truth is they probably are the same person, but either you were in human mode while they were in soul mode or vice-versa and THAT is the person you ‘expected’ to remain. The other truth?

Sometimes physical attraction makes you stupid... you don't ask the questions you need to ask and you don't develop a communicative base of core values, principles, ethics, and yes, goals - both in support of each other's individual goals - but also create goals TOGETHER that are mutual where all emotional, cerebral, spiritual and soulful components are addressed cohesively.

However, when the SOUL is on a mission, the human starts to fall away like Autumn leaves on a tree.  Certain human things are not needed anymore, what was once important is no longer needed or considered important – because HUMANS need, SOULS don’t. 

HUMANS have feelings which have to be expressed a little differently than SOULS.  However, many times the feelings are not on the same page.  THIS IS IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND when it comes to a human’s purpose on Earth and a human agenda (material achievement, status achievement, success achievement).  These are human things.

HERE IS HUMAN EGO:

Fights, arguments, conflict arise in the HUMAN experience because the HUMAN remains needy.  The HUMAN wants ……(fill in the blank – material items – house, car, etc.; love, romance, attention, companionship, victory, applause, validation, pizza and beer, blah blah).  

Depending on the level from which you are LIVING your life, communication misfire definitions between NEEDS vs. WANTS is relationship doom and failure depending on whether you are in a relationship with a HUMAN or if you are in a relationship with a SOUL.

Breathe and take that in for a second. Hang on… we’re gonna go a bit deeper, put on your S.C.U.B.A. gear! 

Because ‘people’ float back and forth between HUMAN mode and SOUL mode like flighty traffic, unless you’re keen on when a person is operating from which mode of operation, depending on where the person is (HUMAN or SOUL) – can depend on how they RECEIVE the communication you gave them.

Misunderstandings are the root cause of arguments. 

The root cause of misunderstandings comes from this HUMAN vs. SOUL mode of operation. 

You could be like two ships passing in the night and that’s an extremely valid thing to consider.

Let's also consider that we CHOSE OUR PARENTS as both the negative and positive human traits of what we need to resolve WITHIN OURSELVES.  This is the soul's choice for the human's behavior. 

We are all works ‘in progress’ but no two people’s progress is the same. No one is in the exact same place at the exact same time ALL THE TIME, only in pieces and fragments of time based on evolution.

UNLESS OF COURSE....you find your 'soul mate' - your twin to harmoniously work in partnership with you.  This idea of 'soul mate' is truly not in total context of what most choose to identify as such.  But it is beautiful... more beautiful than the human fairytales that humans subscribe to. 

Why is finding the perfect soul mate relationship hard? 

As the human is 'evolving' along its pathway, the soul knows/remembers from a pure place why it is really here.  You also have to remember that if someone asks a question, they may be asking the question from a SOUL place and not a HUMAN place and how you answer could be the very oil/water configuration of why you have miscommunication with one another.

BUT THIS IS NOT AN ACCIDENT.  Every failed HUMAN relationship is so you can evolve to your higher self and finally get to the soul level of pure intention. 

It is like an 'agreement' to prepare you and get you ready for your ultimate soul mate and the 'kindred spirits' who work in agreement to provide you your "LIFE LESSONS AND CHALLENGES" are the ones who are helping you make your way there.

Ego also has a play in this. “You hurt me” can come from either place of HUMAN or SOUL. However if your ‘reply’ to this statement comes from a defensive place, it is more human attachment if replying starts a tennis tournament of an argument. 

Soul evolution will apologize or have a discussion for pure resolution.  The human will file the argument away to bring out another day the human refuses confrontation.  Souls who wish to graduate to another level of ascension wish to come to an understanding because this is part of their mission. The soul seeks resolution.  The human wants validation of feelings to satisfy ego. 

Complicated?  Yes.  But this is why you need to be present in conversation fully and not only half-listening to someone talk while you’re scrolling on your cell phone.  You’ll miss half of the conversation and only reply from DEFAULT behavior…. Which is human. 

That’s Part One of this ownership.  Now for Part Two….

Whose fault is it?.... I'm talking HUMAN here, not SOUL.... even if the SOUL is seeking.

Are you raising your hand? You had better raise your hand if you’ve ever been in any kind of relationship because it’s never one person’s fault.

Read that again.  It’s NEVER one person’s fault.  Start owning your part and take ownership of your part in the failed relationship.  It may not be a HUMAN thing to do, but it is a SOUL thing to do.  

Humans like to point fingers of blame. “XYZ person wouldn’t open up and talk;” “XYZ person had a really bad childhood;” “I did everything I could to make it work but XYZ person was such a (fill in the blank).”

Wow.  So how’s that finger of blame treating you?   Is it working?  

If you choose to live your life from THAT story and believe its truth, you’re in for doom for your next relationship.

Why?  Because it’s not the whole truth.  

This is just your side of the truth.  Relationships involve other people and chances are if you go ask the other person, they too have a story for ‘what the heck happened.’ 

Even if both people have a similar story and it is their truth, it’s only their perception of the truth as they know it based on where they were at the time of the relationship.  

If one person in the relationship was operating from HUMAN mode and the other from SOUL mode when s*!# hits the fan… how they ‘received’ the concept of the relationship in terms of personal trauma and ultimate behavioral disorder processing is going to come from the place of where they were experiencing the relationship at the time.

Did you catch that?  Yeah, it’s pretty freakishly heavy, but it’s true. 

Many studies have been done with grieving a relationship. Some say one gender grieves deeper for a shorter span of time and the other with less intensity over a longer period of time.  But that study can have holes poked all through it depending on how that study was conducted with the HUMANS and the SOULS participating in the study and how they accessed their cerebral, analytical, emotional and physical intelligence in their state of being before the relationship, during the relationship and after the relationship. 

Need some Pepto yet? 

Taking the ownership link of your own responsibility for how you showed up in the relationship has some hope and great potential for resolution. But this is only true IF you’re willing to raise your hand and say “All of it was my fault because I chose to (participate, enable, allow, permit, contribute, react, act, take action and blame without the in-depth commitment of understanding from a real place) – in the following ways which added to said fire.” 

When both parties come to an agreement of the ownership in said relationship, then you could have a healthy, mutually beneficial, amicable closure.  If only you had that during your relationship and comprehended all of the above, maybe you’d still have a relationship. 

BUT THIS TOO, IS BEAUTIFUL. This is to get you ready for YOUR SOUL TWIN.

Hindsight, live and learn, eh? 

Okay… so what’s the bottom-line?  

Own your own LINKS in your life. But don’t let them own you.

Now what does this quotable Tweet mean? 

HUMANS make mistakes. It is one of the things that SOULS have to somehow compromise since HUMANS carry the soul here to do the work they came to do.

Can you change a life LINK?  Yes. 

Can you be aware of how tweaked your LINKS are to pro-actively take responsibility and ownership of your mistakes as a HUMAN so that your SOUL work can evolve to a higher place?  YES. 

Can you learn from your life LINKS?  Absolutely.

Can you FINALLY GET IT RIGHT IN THIS LIFETIME?  That's up to you and what you agree to do to overcome and get the heck out of your own way and allow what REAL LOVE AND PURE SOUL LOVE IS -- without the 'human stuff' masking and interfering with the beauty of real connection. 

You do not need to be controlled by your LINKS and the trauma you attach to them if you choose to actively continue to grow and evolve as both a HUMAN and a SOUL.

Healthy relationships are about relating.  You’re not always going to be on the same page at the same time with any HUMAN or SOUL 24/7.   Life just doesn’t work that way. 

What DOES WORK is your consciousness and your awareness. 

Are relationships work?  Yes. ALL relationships are work and the grass is not always greener even if you are more compatible with another person all because of what was just stated, no HUMAN or SOUL is in the exact same place at the exact same time 24/7. 

If for a fleeting moment you are, this is usually what triggers relationships to start to begin with. But co-dependency and enabling creeps in very quickly to take over the organic place from where the relationship started and this is WHY RELATIONSHIPS FAIL.

KNOCK IT OFF.  You know your HUMAN wants to try to bring your baggage with you. Leave it at the door.  Clear your slate.  Start with a new mindset and refreshed set of LINKS. Open your mind.  Open your heart.  Allow the pure soul to return to SEE.

Yes, it’s difficult. It takes work not to go back to your familiar place of (fear, victimhood, martyrdom, anger, pain, etc.) and get to a place of NON-TRANSFERENCE of the old stuff into the new relationship.

But you MUST if you wish to have a new relationship that has legs and can go along with you on your journey for the long haul.  It is required. Your new relationship is not your old relationship’s mistakes unless you are deliberately choosing to repeat them.

Ah.  Does this have you thinking a little more deeply?   

Refrain and retrain your own brain to stop going back to your old operations manual.  If you’re growing and evolving making progress each day – don’t return to old defaults which failed you before.  When you do this, you’re returning to a LINK which no longer serves you. 

Instead, take this wisdom and experience you learned from your failed relationship and continue evolving into a whole person by inserting a new LINK of agreed to behavior as your very own commitment to yourself to have a healthy relationship.

You already know the law of attraction – Whole attracts whole. 

If you’re still looking for someone to complete you, your relationship is doomed to fail.  Sorry Jerry Maguire… no one needs to ‘complete’ anyone – we all need to take responsibility for completing ourselves because we cannot rely upon any other HUMAN or SOUL to make us happy – that is our own individual independent responsibility and the one thing we truly do need to take ownership of so that we have more to share and contribute and bring to the table of any relationship.  Just sayin’ … 

LINK to your own ownership of responsibility.  UNLINK your ownership of another HUMAN or SOUL and you will be on your way to a healthier relationship. 

Then watch all your LINKS fall into place from a healthy space of actually being PRESENT in your relationship with the awareness and consciousness of all your communications.  

Family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, associates, your life partner, your children and other relatives – it all begins with taking out your toxic LINKS of communication and showing up with your deeper commitment of understanding who is operating from what place.  

Misunderstandings can be avoided, if everyone commits to this presence of mind.  All relationships deserve this kind of attention and consideration or why have relationships if you’re only in it half way?  That’s not a relationship. 

In conclusion, examining your LINKS of both bad habits and good ones in your relationship sector of your life is a good thing.  It gives you a peek at the LINKS that don’t work in your own lifeline, while giving you the opportunity to improve and add LINKS of healthy communication and awareness to better your relationships for your future. 

You have the power to eliminate relationship failure in your future. 

Once you do your own internal work on your personal life LINKS, you’ll begin to feel the energy shift with your circle of people in your life.  The energy has the potential to spur awareness in others and your relationships in your life can develop a platform to transform.

This is where your life becomes transformed.  This is where your LINKS can be a tool for developing like-energy LINKRONICITY like a positive wave of improved relating and communicating across the board in your entire life.

Namaste.

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