Monday, May 2, 2016


It is not very often people freely openly discuss the topic of loss, until something big happens to open up a conversation.  Sometimes a conversation about loss begins after a huge natural disaster like a hurricane, tornado, fire, Tsunami, or earthquake; war, violence, global tragedy; or sometimes the death of an icon.  Often times for families, one loss of a loved one is enough to rattle one’s existence into a spiral that changes the entire dynamic forever and the loss ends up tearing a unit apart rather than draw people closer.

Regardless of how the conversation starts, the LINK of loss is about grief.  No matter what kind of loss happens, life just does not ever return to being the same ever again.

First, let me just say THERE IS NO TEMPLATE for dealing with grief, so you go right ahead and do what it is you need to do to transform through it. There is no timeline for this and everyone is different, so take stock in this and realize that no one can or should rush you. It is normal and healthy to go through it as you need to.

Now... on the other side of living life and releasing...

What happens during this process of grief and loss is the creation of a LINK of transformation.   

When life changes, people’s mental, emotional and physical being transforms to affect all the other life LINKS within one’s makeup. Sometimes a LINK can be broken even if we think we fixed it or addressed it long ago.  Sometimes, it only holds a dent – but the dent becomes rusted and we do not realize how that is altering our performance in our own evolution and growth as a human.

Our cells within the human body have memory.  They hold trauma, even as far back as childhood.  We can do all of the footwork of overcoming emotional and mental anguish, however the body still carries memory cells of the scar.  This would explain ‘why’ people talk about the ‘forgiveness’ in such a way where there is forgiveness but one never forgets.

This is true when it comes to the physical being.  The human body can ‘remember’ that one time it fell off the bicycle, or when it reacted to a bee sting.  

While a remarkable machine, the human body also can recall loss and how the body responded when the emotional “being” triggers a similar emotion.  It’s how the brain knows how to tell the eyes to ‘cry’ or how the brain can trigger a physiological response of feeling like one’s stomach is in one’s throat or how a heart can actually “hurt” from said loss. 

LINKS of transformation occur in changing our body chemistry with every experience we have, which is why it is most important to address “reaction.”  The idea of a chain reaction happening when we do not address what is causing internal turmoil can have larger effects on health than we realize. 

We can address emotional ‘loss’ on an emotional level, but if we stop there – we are doing our bodies a disservice by not checking out every participant in our physiological experience from mentally, intellectually, spiritually, chemically, as well as emotionally in order to address the physical.  What ends up happening is we fall into bad habits as a way of coping with ‘something not quite right’ rather than get to the root cause we may have thought we already addressed.

Humans are conditioned to ‘keep going’ and have this ‘no pain, no gain’ mentality pushing through something, rather than easing through because of the immediate gratification syndrome of wanting things to be over, as soon as possible. Everyone is in a mad rush to ‘get through’ something bad or sad so that they can return to the ‘happy place.’

The bigger issue is that everything has its own time and place of healing, on every level right down to the cellular level within our being.  “Rushing through” the process of loss and grief, does not allow the human and the soul to properly transform, in a healthy way by going through the experience as nature intended.

We are resilient souls, yes.  However, are not invincible ones.  We are not machines.  We are not meant to “rush” through anything we experience, because we were given a life span for a reason – to live life as we are living it in the unfolding process.

Human need for immediate gratification has forced the human psyche to “rush” for “instant” results in everything from eating, to daily errands, multitasking, getting through the common cold, and compacting a twenty-four hour period with what appears to be more than what is humanly possible.
What humans do not realize until they are forced to stop, rest and are confined to doing absolutely nothing is that while “machines” like computers to robots and electronic devices can ‘speed up’ life’s activities; it is ultimately also speeding up death because we were not designed to try to ‘keep up’ with said machines on a twenty-four-seven/always-on basis. 

At some point the body says, “NO, you must rest, you must decompress in order to reboot.”  

Instead, the human relies upon chemicals from energy drinks and caffeine to prescription medication; mental distractions of doing things or other ‘quick fixes’ to continue the madness of the speed-of-light productivity that the body was not technically designed to do.

Grief and loss can then embed themselves into the body DNA memory card as a ‘shoved in the back of the garage to deal with later’ as the human continues to speed through life to keep up with exterior demands rather than doing the forty-two point inspection check within.  

Grief and loss may have been dealt with on an emotional or surface level, but the rest of the mechanics have been neglected, because we were not conditioned to understand or believe that you have to treat the root cause of the pain in order to fully get the LINK of transformation to be realized.

It is in this, we must discover that grief and loss is a process and there is no set timer for when it is proper for healing to be done, until it is so.  

When we allow ourselves the proper time to digest our experience, our emotions, and our strengths as a result, of walking through the experience itself, we see who we are destined to become from how we handle our own growth.

Every single experience we have in life transforms us.  However, in order for us to grow ultimately from experiencing every event and healing fully and completely on every level, can we then grasp the purpose for the time allotted to recover.

Our lives are like a tapestry.  Each stitch we have represents all of our happiness and joy, tragedy and pain, love and loss, hardships and victories making our own lives as unique as we are. 

We must own our own tapestry and choose which stitches take longer to stitch instead of trying to finish it all in one swoop.  There is no guideline, because our own life has its own map and our tapestry need not look the same, as everyone else has in order to label ourselves as ‘normal.’
It is unhealthy to force yourself to ‘speed up’ the process of anything if the pace itself exceeds the work that must be done for thorough processing and healing.  

Others may make suggestions as to how they would work on their own tapestries, but ours is not for their graffiti.  Therefore, if it takes you longer to grieve your loss or work through your loss, your life is yours in the process of becoming its own creation, based on when you are ready to address what it is you face.

Our LIFE LINKS are our own LINKS.  Not everyone’s chain looks the same – not every one’s chain is the same length or style, either - as life lessons, growth and soul work are as unique as the individual's destined pathway. 

Until we acknowledge our own safety within the time we need to process everything at a natural and reasonable place and space, we do not evolve or transform exactly as we need in order to continue on the journey as it was intended. Trying to meet up to unrealistic expectations of the machine-level rather than the human one is going to inevitably fail until we accept our own timeline of living through everything we experience.

We have all somehow psyched ourselves into the habit of not taking personal time off or sick days for respite, as we have programmed our ideal being into thinking that we are weaker for doing so; rather than being courageous to address things we need to appropriately.

It is in our own declaration of reclaiming health and well-being as something we own as our own life path, can we then see how imperative it is to respect who we are enough to honor who we are enough to heal and be. It is HERE we have more WITHIN to radiate out to the world with understanding, compassion and respect.

The complete mind, body, soul, and spirit healing is an inside job, not just an external one and it is when we address all of it, that we rediscover how our LINKS can be transformed in change, adaptation, healing and well-being.