Friday, March 18, 2016


Not every day can be a bed of roses and not every day can go our way.  Sometimes it is not just days, but weeks, months and yes, sometimes there are even years that do not pan out exactly as we wanted.

However, within each twenty-four hour period we have a chance to make a list of what goes right. 

We have a chance to itemize a list of ‘good’ things and ‘sweet moments’ as we take a moment to re-tweak our LINKS.

It is human to think about what is not going right.

Nevertheless, it can also be human to be grateful for what DIDN’T GO WRONG.

You have heard the clichĂ© trail of optimistic thoughts, quotes, and ideas about being the optimist and thinking positively.  You have been told to look at the glass half-full.

You have always heard ‘things could be worse.’ 

While this is true, it is more difficult to reflect on that when you feel as if you are grasping on something to hold onto.

Let us take apart the chain of LINKS of what we know – which is everything you have read above this line. 

Now, let us experiment a little to see how we can shift our perspective a bit to RETHINK THE SWEET LINKS.

When we were children, we always had things to look forward to….

  • School breaks/vacation
  • No homework
  • No tests
  • Longer recess
  • Cool stuff to trade with our classmates during lunchtime
  • A chance to win (fill in the blank of the game/sport)
  • Walking home from school with friends
  • The afterschool snack
  • The weekend
  • Playtime

As adults ------ Where is this list?  Do you have one? 

If your answer is that your list only consists of the weekend and getting off work early or a cheat day to eat junk food – maybe you need to re-evaluate your list.

As adults, our minds are filled with responsibility, clutter, and the ‘should do’ list as much as the ‘I’ve got to do’ list and the greatest sweet spot you can muster up is maybe not having to do laundry.

This needs to change.

Each day, there is something to recognize as your sweet link, but the problem is life has become far too chaotic to notice. 

More importantly, as adults – we do not celebrate little things as much as we should and the deal is WE SHOULD. 

Ask yourself when the last time was you celebrated the following:

  • A string of green lights driving from point A to point B
  • Someone actually getting your coffee right
  • Your computer did not crash
  • Someone let you go ahead of them in line
  • No one flipped you off
  • A stranger smiled at you
  • You didn't see one person take a selfie today
  • Every song you heard today you knew all the words to 
  • The bus or subway was on time or your car started
  • The weather, traffic and your immune system cooperated with your social calendar
  • No one actually got on your nerves today
  • You were able to squeeze out the last of (the toothpaste, shampoo, etc.) to get out of the house
  • Your pet or child learned something new
  • You learned something new
  • You were on time for XYZ
  • Your phone battery actually lasted all day
  • There was only junk mail and no bills
  • There were bills, but you are grateful you have a way to pay them
  • The lunch special today just happened to be your favorite
  • Your shoes no longer give you a blister
  • You laughed today more than once
  • You actually remembered what made you laugh to make someone else laugh
  • No one actually laughed AT you
  • Or maybe they did, but you are in such a good place you can laugh at yourself, too
Moreover, the list can go on.  See how easy that was? 

These are the LINKS within our psyche that can be changed for our own well-being.

However, we have to recognize that when we get into a bad habit, that we do not adopt it or accept the bad habit as the only way we know how to live.  We have to wake up and see how the little bad habits become larger bad habits and we allow and give permission for these to invade our center of who we are.

When we take the pro-active steps to change them, we improve our own quality of life.

It is when we take that step; we can SHIFT THE LINK into a new placement within our mental and emotional processing. 

New behavior is always possible.  We can make it simple on ourselves if we take things in steps to adopt the behavior like bites we chew on and digest slowly to fully integrate it and adapt. 

Once we do that, a new habit we turn into a positive one becomes a new ritual we design organically by consciously shifting the perspective.

Sometimes all it takes is an itemization as we just did.  Sometimes you just need to slow down and think or journal.  

Truth is, it is always there for you – no matter how bad things get.  

The sweet links are there for the savoring (see what I did there?)  

Life is not meant to be spent in a state of bitterness – that is why we were given more senses to experience.

It is when we choose to do that, we LINK to the sweet spots of our day – EVERY DAY.


Wednesday, March 9, 2016


There is an old saying to “Think before you speak.”  Have you ever known anyone to replace that phrase with “Think and Feel before you speak?” 

How do you think language and communication would change?

Would people be more thoughtful?

Would they be kinder and more honest? 

Would there be less miscommunication?

Do you believe that if the two committees (head and heart) met before words ever escaped anyone’s mouth, that the world as we know it would actually be different? 

There are several things to consider when it comes to the empathy LINK:

  • Authentic empathy and compassion

  • Learned empathy and compassion

  • Programmed empathy and compassion

Then there is TRUTH.  

Sometimes humans speak what they think is their truth, but quite often it is not their truth - it is their learned and programmed truth.  

Until we start dissecting learned and programmed truths through introspection, chances are, daily functioning has default behaviors, of which everyone is guilty.

If you have put in the time and the work internally, you know that when you finally arrive at the place of your own 

IT IS HERE – that we can TWEAK your LINK so you can start communicating more effectively with yourself and own your own truth first before you open your mouth to spout a non-truth or a learned or programmed truth.

Is it necessary to have filters?  YES.

However, the purpose of this exercise in dissecting truth is so that you can be kinder to yourself and start from this place before you start the domino effect of non-truth and speaking thoughts and feelings, which are NOT YOURS.

WHY is this necessary?

It is necessary because you will hurt less people if you are yourself.

In the end, you will harm yourself less when you are honest and can start from an honest place rather than a pre-programmed and learned place. 

Getting to the root of who you are and your own authenticity from the core is the starting ground to healing, growing, and becoming real with your own path so you can live your real journey and not the one that you are conditioned to believe. 

Unbelievably, many people are not living their lives as their authentic self.  Many will ‘go along’ with ideas that are not their own, or worse … live dreams, careers and lives that they THINK they should be living because their grandparent or parent always wanted them to become a _________(fill in the blank – astronaut, lawyer, or whatever), but that isn’t who they are.

Nevertheless, this is NOT your fault.  You did not know that you could question what you learned and how you were told things should be for every thought, feeling, idea, opinion, or belief.

Some of the most brilliant children in school are the ones, who have failing grades, but they are labeled automatically with the idea they have a learning problem or disability – but the TRUTH is often that they do NOT.  Not everyone learns the same way.  Not everyone excels in traditional methods of learning.  Everyone is different.

It is the same with work.  Some people thrive in a busy, chaotic environment.  Some need quiet space and no noise to concentrate.



Empathy and Compassion are key components of communication but they are often missed because communication is misunderstood from the get-go. 

Some people need to process their thoughts to understand their feelings.

Some people go straight to their heart for answers without consulting their brain.

Which are YOU?  Do you lean more toward one or the other?  Is it possible to only have one method? 

Yes, sometimes.

However, if the two are merged as a center, checking in with understanding which one (the brain or the heart) is OVERRULING – we get to comprehend a deeper level of how we function as communicators. 

Have you ever had a feeling that you did not follow?

Have you ever had a thought that popped into your mind but you ignored it?

This is what happens when the two separate spaces remain just that… separate. 

A collective decision-making process within YOURSELF is no different from having a ‘meeting’ at work or school or in any other structure or organization. 

People have meetings every single day in some form or another, but they do not have it daily with themselves. 

Here lies the struggle within the root of the problem.  How can you effectively show up and communicate when you do not know what is driving your thoughts or feelings and if the committee internally has met in order to express yourself from your TRUE PLACE? 

What would your day look like if you never uttered the words “I think” without consulting your heart FIRST?

Would you be more confident in your choices?  On the other hand, do you mistrust one over the other?  Does logic always win?

Many people who operate their internal navigation system from the place of logic make choices everyday based on their experiences and thoughts, learned ideas of behavior and habit.  

What becomes familiar and ‘known’ is something that is a set of ideas acquired over time.  Sometimes it does not come from actual personal experience.  Sometimes it comes from the programming of your parents or your grandparents and so on.

You established your beliefs based on your environment, learned behavior, society, and based completely on your own pre-programming of ideas, strengths, weaknesses, insecurities, and challenges.

What if your THOUGHTS were actually WRONG – simply because none of your own thoughts are truly your own? 

Let’s take advertising into play for a moment.  If you watch a television commercial enough times, you may psychologically adopt and adapt your ideas to the fact that you think a product is of good quality simply because the commercial makes you FEEL something.  Maybe you have not even tried the product yet, but internally within your emotions, you are being stirred without realizing it in your consciousness.

Your logic tells you that you are watching a television commercial.

Nevertheless, your heart still cannot get enough of watching those puppies or that baby or that heartwarming ‘moment’ and suddenly you are buying a camera, a burger, or a computer and you do not need any of it.

How many times have you been moved by a Super Bowl or holiday commercial?  How has it influenced your emotions psychologically, to purchase what was being sold to you?

How many times did you vote for a candidate based on words before actions were met, but the words resonated with something you were taught to believe would happen? 

How authentic is the human word? 

How genuine is the action, which follows?

What do you believe and WHY?  Have you ever questioned “The WHY?”

Now take a look at some of the most popular Instagram accounts and see if maybe they are popular BECAUSE they give you the idea that IF you follow, MAYBE you might be ‘cool’ and ‘popular’ or allow you to dream about traveling great places or eating delicious food or looking that amazing/healthy/fit/beautiful/stylish as well. 

Maybe they are just the way they are in your mind because you were TOLD, “this is just the way it is.” 

Think back to when you were a child and you were told that you had better put on a jacket or you would get sick.  

Now think about how many times you have actually caught a cold or flu when you did wear a jacket – it just so happened to be when you did not wash your hands after touching the grocery cart or the gas pump.  Nevertheless, you were wearing that trusty jacket. 

Logic sometimes is not detailed.  So how are you to truly function authentically when you do not have all the information and only operate from the information given?   

If you were provided an entire laundry list of items on the 1001 ways you could not get sick and referred to it as a whole and NOT just ONE specific piece of information, maybe you could go decades without ever getting sick, right?

Well, if you look at the 1001 items on a laundry list the same way you look at the heart and mind merging together before you communicate, perhaps communication could be double teamed with a more cohesive, comprehensive, thorough and complete connection with who you really are.

Our empathy LINK is what connects us to others, yes.  It happens EVERY SINGLE DAY.
When was the last time YOU DID THAT FOR YOURSELF? 

Your own mind, your own heart, and check in with your own EMPATHY LINK. 

What if you merged your mind, your heart, and your gut together as a triple threat power source for actually trusting everything in your being before you actually communicate words? 

Words are more than just words; they are words, feelings, and instinct. 

They are a blended mix of REACTION VS.  ACTION.

Sometimes people speak before they think – but more often they speak BEFORE THEY FEEL what it would be like on the RECEIVING END of what it is they are saying. 

Now think about that for a second.

How many times has that happened to YOU? 

When we look at disagreements and arguments which are usually based on miscommunication, misunderstanding and often escalate from EGO OR HURT – we can further examine the TRUTH of all you have just read. 

You are being tossed a bunch of information in a single day.  Though quite often there is not enough time to process the information within your own being to ask yourself if you are being honest with your own Empathy LINK.

As human beings, sometimes we are our own worst critic. 

You know that it is true, that there is no one harder on yourself than YOU are.

Sometimes you are harder on other people only because you are judging from a place BEFORE your head and heart have a MEETING. 

So, if you were to put yourself in the other person’s shoes – would you SEE that maybe if the other person has mixed feelings just like you are that you are not really having a REAL CONVERSATION? 

Imagine two pre-programmed or learned behavior communicators speaking.  What if neither consulted with their own head and heart nor chose to ONLY speak from ONE PLACE and not a fluidly connected place?  Would this open the door to more miscommunication because neither person is speaking from their TRUTH? 

So why is it that you cannot be nicer to yourself with your own thoughts?  Why are the WORDS you tell yourself not as kind as you would want them to come from another person?  Alternatively, why are the words coming from the other person not in the same place? 

THIS IS WHY there is miscommunication, because assumption comes into play.  You may think you are being as truthful as the other person and both of you are assuming the place of that the other has done the actual communicative work between their own head and heart to SPEAK AUTHENTIC WORDS.

Are you now seeing that the root of all your miscommunication has to do with a weak muscle within of not having exercised that heart-and-mind TRUTH connection?

Have you come to believer through learned behavior that you are not worth the kind words?  Is your ‘all’ not enough in your eyes?  If so, who told you so?  Is it truly YOU or is it the old tapes of learned behavior from growing up?

As we ponder the question of empathy for others, we may have to ask ourselves where the empathy is from within.  We cannot truly be authentic with our empathy or our compassion until it starts FROM US AND WITHIN US FIRST.  EXTERNAL COMMUNICATION (what comes out of our mouths) cannot be REAL until the INTERNAL COMMUNICATION IS REAL and we start with our own truth and ourselves. 

What would your relationships look like?

What would your life look like? 

FIND OUT and start your internal connection between your mind and heart today and see how different your life can be when you begin LINKING the two together to LINK YOUR LIFE to a more authentic place.