Sunday, February 10, 2019

THE REFLECTIVE LINK TO YOUR NAME





When you hear the word “nostalgia” in the context of your own name, what comes up in your mind? 

How do you define it, how far back does it take you, and what emotions does this word trigger within? 

As humans, we do not take the time to reflect and measure our own growth on a daily basis.  In fact, for most humans, it is ‘go, go, status quo.’ 

Unless you are forced to stop in your tracks to “remember when” … or something you see, hear, smell or taste takes you back to when you were five, or ten or ten years ago, you do not reflect on a memory unless you have a trigger.  This is especially true when you get nostalgic reflecting upon your name.

Maybe you had a nickname growing up… or your parents called you a shortened version of your name or by your middle name or in another context because you are a Jr. or a III name in your family.  Maybe you were named after a relative or family friend and how you identify to your own name varies, depending on the setting of where you are called different things – i.e. a family reunion or at work or even by your friends and the people who know you best. 

But what if I were to trigger you … right here, right now, today, in your shoes, socks or bare feet to ‘remember’ something differently as to how you relate to your own name? 

Are you ready?   This game is something I created called “What’s in a name?” 

  • ·         Do you remember the first time you wrote your name? 
  • ·         How old were you when you wrote it for the first time?
  • ·         Was it with a pencil, a pen or crayon? 
  • ·         Was it in the sand or snow? 
  • ·         Do you remember writing it in cursive? 
  • ·         Did you practice it?  If so, how often?
  • ·         Do you remember the first time you typed it with your fingers? Did that feel or look weird to you?
  • ·         Do you remember the first time you ERASED IT… with a pencil eraser, or backspaced on a keyboard to erase it?

Okay… so wasn’t that fun?  

Why did I have you get nostalgic about your own name?  

I wanted you to identify your own past feelings and connection to it so you could think about it in your present as you write your name TODAY.

We adults write our names a myriad of ways when we connect to life contracts of some sort – a payment, an agreement, a document, an application, a form for anything --- and we “blow it off” like breathing.

We do not take the time to value our own names and our connection to our names.  Instead, we literally write ourselves off like a grocery list and treat ourselves in this same manner.

Isn’t that sad?  

I wanted to write this blog and bring this to your attention because this is WHERE putting ourselves last actually starts.  There is no longer any ‘honoring’ this piece of ourselves in daily life – instead we look at this as a “task” and we lose connection to this one nostalgic flashback. 

When we do this, we dismiss all of the times we wrote our names and it “meant something.”  From signing a letter, or applying for a job or school, or other big monumental moments that are part of life’s events.

When we sign our names, we are actually doing something that changes the course of our lives.

No matter how big or how small, or even insignificant you think that is, the action itself is actually moving you along your lifeline and life’s pathway/journey.  You are creating moments every time you write your own name.  Sometimes doing so takes bravery, like when you sign a petition to stand for something or when you vouch for someone you believe in – even when it is your own self doing something that is significant in your life.  

So the next time you sign your name, I want you to flash back to this moment and remember reading this.  Maybe you’ll take your time with writing your name… maybe you’ll smile and be proud of yourself… maybe you’ll giggle and say “Yes, this is me and I am making a moment.” 

Just remember that you are you – and there is no one else like you. Like your own name, the way you write it and the way you attach yourself to doing this very one simple thing makes all the difference in how you proudly invest yourself in who you are.  
  
You’ve come a long way… it is time you put your name to that and celebrate.

Namaste.
Stacey Kumagai  :D

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

LINKING TO YOUR CONVERSATIONAL MUSCLE



Conversation makes the world go around.  We would be nowhere without it.

The bigger question is, what conversations do you have with yourself about the meaningful conversations you are having in your world and HOW does that play a part in your claiming your “True Self” or your “Authentic Being?” 

I thought I would do this blog for those of you who keep hearing …

“You must be your true self” – but no one is telling you HOW to deal with conversation, as you become exactly that.

In everyday conversation, you may encounter a colleague, a friend, a family member, a neighbor, or even a stranger on the street or at an event where a discussion may begin that you believe dives into a pool of opinion that differs from your daily chatter.

Here you may discuss big things like politics, world issues, the environment, economics, finances, religion, corruption, human rights, and global change.

OR

Sometimes you may have a simple conversation about food, traffic, animals, or daily human relationship problems where there is applied meaning to deeper issues beyond the conversation itself.

For those of you working on authenticity in communication, sometimes your own thoughts, psyche, heart, and soul communications may not be received in the light you were hoping (or intending), therefore forcing you from your own expression in being your ‘true self.’  

This is counterproductive.

While hypersensitivity is key, empathy and compassion is essential, sometimes navigating this space is very challenging for those who avoid going deeper to comprehend what they are actually dealing with in conversation … beyond the actual discussion.

Your first reaction may be to retreat and go back to your old ways.


  • Do you really want to do this?   
  • Do you really want to be censored, silenced or shushed?
  • Do you wish to no longer participate?
  • Do you wish to “blow off” a conversation merely because you cannot handle someone else’s truth as you try to deal with your own?
  • Do you wish to choose to be a victim because others don’t ‘see,’ ‘hear,’ or relate to you?

This isn’t the kind of depth most people think about, beyond their own personal opinions, values, perception and stand.  

Everything on the conversation table is never ‘absolute’ except within someone’s perception, which has the ability and capacity TO CHANGE.  AND… it has the potential to GROW…and EVOLVE. 

Why is that? 

Most will look at this kind of discussion in the following categories:


  • ·         To agree
  • ·         To disagree
  • ·         Or to agree to disagree


This is usually where people stop linking to the depth of their own perception, because if they stop at any one of the above three points, they are missing an opportunity to go even deeper as to how they arrived to any of the points above.

Where you believe there are differences, and perceive there are differences – they may or may not be just on the surface level, or as monumental as you think (with your own lens).
Where the similarities reside are within people wanting to:


  • ·         Talk
  • ·         Share
  • ·         Express
  • ·         Exchange


When we get ‘stuck’ in ‘differences’ and make ‘differences’ wrong is where judgment enters the picture.

When you sit in judgment, nothing can get resolved because you remain fixated on this, rather than understanding something, even if it doesn’t jive with who you are and your own beliefs, values, principles, morals, ethics and choices. 

Instead, when you focus on SIMILARITIES – of “wanting to be your authentic self” realizing the other person you are having a conversation with, also wants the same thing for themselves….

IT IS HERE YOU HAVE A FOUNDATION TO BEGIN A CONVERSATION. 

Rarely do others dive in deeper to “understand WHY” someone may think, feel or come to believe something OR WHERE that came from, and HOW they arrived into thinking/feeling and IF it was….


  • ·         Developed over time
  • ·         Shaped from selective media
  • ·         Absorbed from their environment of influence
  • ·         Learned
  • ·         Evolved from exposure to acquired experiences 


Only when we can understand this, can we even begin our journey to LINKING to individual depth perception. Then from here, we are able to begin to comprehend another’s beyond just words, thoughts, and feelings. 

People in general have different comfort zone levels when it comes to conversation. 

Some people also have hidden agendas for discussion when it isn’t the discussion itself, but rather to somehow reinforce, validate or confirm other questionable things they have been in limbo confirming within themselves, and their own minds as they become their ‘true self.’
Sometimes truths are hesitant to be revealed. Sometimes reality is merely a façade.  

The ‘taboo’ subjects in different cultures vary and when we think of culture, we also need to think about how we relate accordingly. 

What is offensive to some, may not be to others – but it is here you must tread carefully, because greater misunderstandings may occur.   

What is considered appropriate to some, should never be an assumed ‘blanket’ of understanding across the board without further examination. 

But what is ‘taboo?’  Is this subjective?  Is it case-by-case? 

Yes, it is.  


  • Think back to your household as a child - What was forbidden to be discussed at the dinner table? 



  • Is it different from what was permitted to be discussed outside of the doors of your home?



  • Did you again become confused about varying environments of “outside the home” and what that actually meant?  



  • In other words, was the conversation you were allowed to have in school different from the one in church or in a supermarket or at a company picnic or family reunion?



  • Then when you entered the workforce, there were again – a different set of rules, right?

Most likely, your ‘conditioning’ for what was allowed is embedded within your behavior and subconscious thoughts/reactions. 

Even if you have worked on yourself, there are threads of this still lingering within your default to someone else’s words, thoughts, or actions. 

Much of this has to do with the variables of culture, generation, gender, life experience, temperament, emotional behavior, and knee-jerk reflex/protection mechanisms, and of course defaults from childhood upbringing, transference of learned behavior, and the self-imposed expectations you put on yourself and others to show up in how they deliver opinions, thoughts, and feelings. This of course translates to action, expression and choices (sometimes limited, not fully explored and/or isolated perspective). 

Whew!  This is a lot to process, right?  

Is peace possible in a world of having to navigate all of these waters?

How about within your own immediate world/circle? 

Differences in communication styles are a learning opportunity for all people involved, not just the one who is merely frustrated that they are not understood the way they believe they should be by everyone. 


  • Relating is more than a two way street of talking and listening.

  • Relating is more than a two way street of thinking vs. feeling.

  • Relating also requires solutions and tools used for specific situations when points are not clearly articulated, as to what course of action is required or how what was delivered was received by the sender’s intent. 


How do you move past a missed communication artery blockage? 

Where do you begin the healing and better communicative bridge to growing past what it is that you perceive? 

Active participation is required.  

Shutting off communication entirely never resolves understanding. 

Sure, you can use this time to comprehend your own depth perception (and this time is useful), but you cannot sit alone with it and not articulate it clearly when there is a missed connection.

Sometimes silence for you, may not come across correctly as the one on the other end only hearing silence. 

This is an opportunity to learn and grow, expand your own consciousness in problem solving to improve your own communication development.
  
This reflection includes the communication you have with yourself, as well as with whomever you are relating with/to and trying to achieve heightened comprehension.  

It cannot be one-sided digging excavation for one person to try to figure out ‘what is wrong’ any more than it can be one-sided for another to hope clear communication is received and assume all has been properly conveyed with knowing what to do and how to show up.

Not all brains process information the same way. This is a fact. 

Some brains do not inject immediate interpretation from the other’s point-of-view, even if they understand how someone else may be feeling. 

Most times, the only point-of-view that can be easily digested is what is perceived from the other person’s depth perception, but you have to first know HOW one arrives at their own conclusions before you can make one of your own based simply on how you are feeling. 

How do you LINK to another’s perception about how far they are taking matters to heart? 

The simple answer is that you can try to walk in someone’s shoes, through empathy and compassion, understanding and with as much clarity as you can muster, but if your own brain and heart only have a certain library points of reference to relate to, there will be things missed in communication.

Solution:
·         Think clearly about what it is you wish to resolve. 

·         Ask yourself what you hope to accomplish within this understanding.

·        Then consult your TRUTH – want and need.  

  • Is it to be understood?   
  • Heard?   
  • Felt?   
  • Do you wish for empathy? 
  • Sympathy?  
  • Do you need a sounding board to vent?   
  • Do you need space to breathe?   
  • Do you need time to sort through the dialogue in your head?   
  • Are you seeking validation?  
  •  Reinforcement?  
  •  Support?   
  • Do you merely need compassion?


·         Create a tool to use for your thoughts without attaching ego.

·         Develop a pathway to bridge what you wish to understand.

·         Come to a mutual position of takeaways from the dialogue.

This is just a starting point.  However, it will begin a conversation I hope we can continue.
Hit me up on social media and let’s begin a conversation!

Namaste.