ELIMINATING YOUR BUZZKILL LINK TO SUMMER JOY

Summertime is a season where we LINK to light…literally.

Sunshine, Vitamin D, and fresh air bring motivation, health, and positive energy to our lives.

Our optimum health can be found during periods where we can be most active and joyous outside of a grueling schedule.  It helps us to eliminate stress mentally, emotionally as well as physically, where we can be more active when we are supported by an environment, which inspires us to get outside and simply BE.

One of our greatest challenges during colder months is the isolation, sedentary mode of hibernation and moods affected by our environment.  However, we know that this part of being is also necessary to refuel, refortify, recharge, and increase awareness of what we need.  Fall and winter months are essential for exercising our brain and heart muscles, where reading, holiday gatherings, and mindful conversation facilitate deep connection.

Summertime still holds some of the heart and mind exercising benefits of the colder months with outdoor gathering, summer reads, and celebrations, but it also holds something unique for every human… the revisiting of childhood freedom and play.

It is here in this freedom, we find our light… without restriction, if we choose to embrace it and celebrate it.

When we were children, playing in the summer meant longer extended periods of daylight to play, perhaps later curfews, and the ability to find joy in simple things.  

Happiness could be found simply from hearing the repetitive tune of the ice cream truck a few blocks over or playing in the sprinklers, getting soaked on a hot day.  Washing the family car was not a chore, but rather a ticket to soapy fights with siblings, friends, and neighbor kids and great wonder was found in discovering crawling insects that would come out at night.

As an adult, you may ask yourself where this joy went… and why has the simplicity of these things have somehow become an annoying tune of an ice cream truck and why insects have become pests and washing the car, just something to cross off your list of responsibilities to do.

Notice how you have become your own life’s BUZZKILL? 

The truth is your perspective has shifted from the time of your childhood to becoming an adult who looks at life through the eyes of obligation, duty, and responsibility and somewhere your ability to grasp simple joys has well….simply died.

BUT… it does not have to.  This is a choice you have to lighten up to open yourself up to the simple pleasures of life.  It is an opportunity for you to find what happiness the little things can bring to your life.

Summertime is the perfect time to do this, so you can take this perspective shift with you all year long to find joy in simple things to make life fun, more playful and enjoyable. Adults think that summer may only mean vacations and backyard barbecues, but it does not have to be limited to these activities.  You are allowed to think outside the box of what you feel is adult-behavior acceptable, whether or not you use your children as an excuse to explore lost pieces of yourself.

Think back to your childhood summers and the things, which brought laughter and play.  Maybe you played games or sports outside with neighbors and friends, counted stars in the night sky or rode your bike to find something new and pretended to be on some exploratory adventure. Perhaps you painted pictures outside, or collected shells or rocks… 

Censorship of our naturally curious and playful selves happen, when adults think an activity is stupid, silly, senseless, or a waste of time.  

However, it is in these moments we gain clarity of how we can decompress from the daily grind of life’s long-list of adult responsibilities in order to find ourselves and our ‘happy spirit’ of freedom in simply being – but first we must let go of our own self-judgment.  The more we let go if this, we find our liberating joys of not taking everything so seriously, giving ourselves permission to let go and have fulfillment in silliness and summertime play.

As Memorial Day Weekend approaches (officially the start of summer) – take the opportunity to start playing again and rediscovering the beauty of life in simple joys.

Namaste.

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LINKING TO YOUR HINDSIGHT 20/20

If only...

How often have you pondered the “what ifs” in your life? 

Do you believe that if things in your life had gone a certain way that you would be in a different place? 

How many times have you reflected like this wondering about a better outcome and how has this affected your present list of regrets?

REGRETS ARE NOT HEALTHY.
REGRETS HOLD US BACK.

If you live only in regret, you cannot be present for what is happening NOW. 

While thinking about this is very ‘human’ and very ‘normal’ – you probably have been told many times to “not look back” or to “not live in the past” because you cannot change it.  

This is true… However, what you CAN CHANGE is how you look at your life in the future.

You do not need to be a victim or a martyr.  You do not need to choose this way of being or worse, living.  

If you take a moment to sit back and examine the many ways people have actually ‘found themselves’ through adversity, you will see that everything that happens in your life can ultimately lead you to what you were designed to do. 

Talk to any inventor who created a convenience product and you will find that usually they had a situation where they were in the process of experiencing difficult or challenging and they created a product that solved their very own problem.  

Talk to anyone who has lost someone to a specific disease or ailment and you will see that it directed them to their life’s work with a charity. 

Talk to anyone who experienced an accident or disaster and discover they are fighting for the rights of others so they don’t have to go through the same thing.  

If you take this mindset toward every problem you encounter, you will find there are ways where you can take your WouldaCouldaShouldas and turn them into the possibility.  

We are only limited by how we perceive every situation.

REGRETS CAN BE EMPOWERING!

How many life lessons have given you confidence?

How many life lessons have given you an opportunity to make better choices today?

There are no ‘mistakes’ if we choose to use our experiences as learning opportunities.  If we learn from our experiences, there is no regret as we become smarter and stronger from whatever it is we go through.

Is there such a thing as poor decisions? 

Sure, we’re human. We can have clouded judgment.

However, if we take a closer look at even our poorest decisions, we will see that we might have had to go through hell and back as a consequence.

Sometimes we have to go through these experiences to ‘wake us up’ from taking more wrong turns or to turn over a new leaf or to change a course that wouldn’t have been changed without it. We are ultimately “creating” a chance for us to transform if we choose to step up to do it. 

Every opportunity in life can challenge us to become a better version of ourselves.  

In turn, that experience has the opportunity to help us grow into a better person through wisdom, strength and endurance or deeper compassion and empathy.  

So when you look back in your rear view mirror of life, what do you see? 

How have you changed as a result of your experiences? 

Did you ever think “back then” that you would survive and be on the other side of your greatest challenges?   

While they say that we only end up regretting the chances we did not take, we can rejoice in the fact that as each new day begins, we have a chance to change that fact going forward.

We need not waste our time kicking ourselves for what we didn’t do, because that is destructive.

Also, we must remember that even if we believe that doing something different, would have produced a certain outcome, we have to remember that sometimes timing of everything is for reasons we still do not know.

Only people who are living in the past can harbor feelings of resentment.

With that said, do you wish to live a life today full of resentment because of your regrets?

Can you actually call that living? 

Instead, we could use the time constructively to reflect in order to choose how we live from here on out.

Our 20/20 vision examining the reflection of our experiences from the past may reveal that at the time we were not in a position to choose an alternative way to approach any experience.  

It is possible that perhaps we did not have the tools at the time to have made a different choice with the precision we would have made it today.  

We can then see how progress and growth from that time period to present day to put ourselves in a position to make peace with our past so we can move forward and ahead with more clarity.

Finding clarity gives us the chance to see that everything we have experienced up until now has ultimately shaped us to who we are today.  Without this clarity or shaping, we could not possibly be equipped to handle what is in front of us and ahead of us.

Experience provides value.

Value provides wisdom

Wisdom is empowering and it provides strength.

Strength shows us what we’re made of.

Namaste.

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GIVING AND RECEIVING LINKS

Giving is a gift in itself.

How many ways can you define giving which have nothing to do with anything material? 

We give of our energy, our time, our efforts, and of our hearts.

When we listen, we give.

When we care, we give.

We offer answers and provide support, we give.

Sometimes when life is, challenging, just showing up is an effort in giving when you do not have enough of your time, energy, or efforts to go around.

Although our hearts appear to have an endless supply of giving, they too can become depleted, but we always find a way where we can give.

It seems endless, right.  Isn’t giving easy to define? 

Now… how many ways can you define receiving that have nothing to do with anything material?

Do you define receiving the same way as taking?

How do you differentiate the two definitions?

When most people think about receiving, they think that receiving only means taking. 

However, this is not the same thing.

Let us examine further how define the difference.

Some people receive energy, time, and efforts.  We can accept and receive the energy given to our hearts in “answer” to what giving is done from someone else.

HOWEVER, what happens when some people take more than they give, or they do not bother to reciprocate and only take… how do you then define the difference?

Taking is not the same thing as merely ‘receiving.’ 

Some people may know how to take; but they do NOT know how to receive.

Have you ever met someone who cannot accept, receive, or take a compliment or praise?

Have you run across someone who shuns, repels, or denies accepting an offer of help?

Help is perhaps the most challenging LINK to address.  Some do not know how to ask for help; others would not dare to get help; and there are others still who believe getting help is a sign of weakness or a lack of independence.

Therefore, the idea of ‘receiving’ is actually given a stigma where receiving is compartmentalized as a form of taking.  Since the idea of only ‘taking’ is considered rude unless you are giving, the idea of receiving is often misinterpreted stunting the receiving process.

How we perceive giving and receiving is based on how our minds process the terms, how we were brought up generationally, culturally, socioeconomically, and how you were raised to understand the term “help” or “receiving” a hand.

Giving and receiving is an art of balance.  Without balance, we do not understand how to communicate within our own beings the meaning of an exchange.

If we examine something as simple as a houseplant – we give it water, sunlight, food, fresh air, and love. When it grows and thrives, it is showing it received what we gave it and in turn becomes a healthy plant returning and giving us back energy and oxygen.

Nevertheless, when it comes to human life behavior, we do not always examine that giving and receiving is like a game of tennis.  If you give too much, your arm gets tired.  If you do not receive, there is no ball to return and the game is over.

Too much giving is overcompensation.

Too much receiving is selfishness.

Giving without receiving leads to lack of self-worth.  

Receiving without giving can be identified as insecurity, neediness, and void filling.

This is why balance in giving and receiving is an art.  The ‘fine line’ is a tricky one to walk without going over the line in the next arena. 

It is like caring for that houseplant.  If you give it too much water, it will become waterlogged and die of root rot.  

If you ignore it, taking it for granted, let it dry out, the plant withers away, and dies.  

How can balance be achieved in the art of giving and receiving and how can your link be tweaked for creating said balance?

First, we have to understand that compartmentalizing occurs in the human psyche and we isolate our giving and receiving experiences early on from childhood.

When ego is involved, people become attached to the emotional response of give-and-take and keeping score of who gave what vs. what was received.

When you remove ego from the process, you understand that nothing can thrive or survive solely on only giving or only receiving, there has to be a balance of both actions. 

Receiving is sometimes more challenging for people to do than giving because accepting involves trust.  Sometimes humans do not trust the intention of the giver, questioning motive for giving or if there are strings attached, or a reciprocal action that is imposed, obligated or expected.

We are much more able to receive freely when the intention of the giver is not questioned; however, this goes back to the process of giving.

If people only give with the idea that they get back, the intention is not pure as it comes with great expectations that the recipient may not understand.  

If giving is done with a pure intention with zero expectation, and receiving is done with gratitude, there is a healthy exchange.

Healthy exchanges are vital to healthy relationships.  Without understanding the give and take process and the balance of what that means, we have misunderstandings.

Misunderstandings lead to miscommunication.

Miscommunication leads to conflict.

Conflict leads to discord.

Discord leads to unrest.

Unrest leads to anger and resentment.

Anger and resentment lead to grudges.

Grudges lead to lack of forgiveness.

Lack of forgiveness spiral out into a domino effect of guilt, blame, distancing and disconnect.

When you are disconnected, your LINK to giving and receiving is gone.

In addition, what is left is a dead plant, no life, and no tennis match, only racquetball with the ball whacking you in the face.

Understanding your receiving link is as equal to knowing its importance in the process of giving, along with pure intention and no expectation.

How we achieve balance is remembering that it is natural for us as humans to do both with detachment when we honor the practice of give and take without our ego present.   

When we are more aware and allow ourselves to simply be present for exchanges throughout our day, and be gracious in the process, we become better at participating in both giving and receiving. 

It is here we as humans can begin healthy conversation and actually living, giving and receiving the way It was naturally intended.  Let’s remember to say “Please, receive my assistance” and “Thank you for offering your help” when we’re finished. 

Namaste.

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