Tuesday, October 18, 2016


When you are a child, “growing up” can mean different things to you.

You may have looked forward to having more freedom or privileges that come with age.  Through a child’s eyes, that could have meant staying up as late as you want, or eating candy instead of vegetables with dinner.

You may have experienced the mental growing pains of learning more complicated math equations; emotional growing pains of making friends or going to a new school and the literal physical growing pains in your knees during a summer or two when you had a growth spurt.

When you finally arrive at becoming an adult, you may think those pain links go away because you’ve removed the “and a half” suffix to your age – but in all reality, you come to realize through various stages of adulthood that these links are still there… they’re just in different context.

As an adult, freedom means different things, but we often misinterpret what that is until we define it for ourselves. 

Choices we make each day let our individual personal freedom ring – from deciding to eat dessert first to staying for the last inning of a baseball game on a Sunday when you know you will be tired at work the next morning.  It is not always about putting off cleaning chores or errands until the next day – something you could not have been able to get away with as a child.  Sometimes the adult ‘choices’ are much grander in life decisions like moving, taking a leap in a relationship or choosing a new career or committing to becoming a homeowner.

Your complicated math equations now look like a monthly household budget; and you see your friends you knew growing up went on to having families and moving away; and your pains in your knees are now about a workout strain or accident.

Through each phase of adulthood, these links transform and change repeatedly in different context.  We do not always recognize that these links are meant to evolve as we evolve.
The most painful process is always going to be the process of evolution unless you fully comprehend what that process comes with, but very few adults like to admit their thoughts about these links that bind, weigh, and imprison their psyche.  There are many ‘reasons’ for this and no single reason is the ‘be all’ answer as to ‘why.’  

Sometimes it is pure confusion that makes the articulation process so complicated to share with other humans; it remains in incubation for longer periods for evaluation.
Other times it is pride, shame, or the dismissing of anyone comprehending the links in question and therefore it prevents the one tangled within the linked mess to come forth.

Then there is also the series of indecision where the tangled one is stuck because outside influences say that it will simply pass.

However, what if it does not pass?  Are you to stay tangled in your links?  

The answer is … You have more freedom than you realize to untangle them with accepting your own unique process.  Not everyone is a speed demon through their own dilemma, nor should they be.  There is most often a moment of pausing so that panic and fear pass and you can then take logical steps in a calm, more assured manner.  This timing is not an accident – it is for your own benefit to have more clarity.

This is quite often the step that most people miss.  Nevertheless, this is not anyone’s fault.  We live in a society that wants everything now, in a flash, instantly.  Humans have begun to adapt to this process to their own detriment.  Sometimes getting an answer right away does not mean it is the right answer; it is merely only the first one to arrive.

Read that line again… now ask yourself how you feel about that first answer arriving.  How do you feel?  

If you think that by magic or chance that the immediate answer is the right answer because it is meant to be, you may want to think again to make sure, how you feel about the answer if that same answer were to be the fifth or sixth one.


Because if you become overwhelmed with the feelings of ‘relief’ just to have an answer, rather than making sure it is the one that makes the most sense for you, you could be setting yourself up for a crash.  This is common. 

No one is truly ever too tangled or stuck.  Stagnancy is not being stuck.  Sometimes you must be patient with yourself as you awaken to your own growth from your choices.
Make no mistake – there is a great deal of education that can come to you in that process alone.  The trick is being able to step outside of yourself to see what you are learning.

If you reflect back to five years ago, or even one week ago – you are not the same person.  Every word or action that has crossed your path has given you an entire new collection of CHOICES – even if they appear to be the same choices, there is a method to the exercise of persistence and your own self-realization in that process of who you truly are, and how you take action. 

How is this possible?  No day is ever really truly the same, even if you set your alarm to the exact same time and you take on your day the same way.  Why that is so, is that if you are functioning around having to be dependent in a world of other people, no day can be exactly the same.  Thirty seconds of delay in time in the time, it takes for your shower to heat up or for your breakfast to cook or the elevator to arrive or traffic to flow can change in configuration on any given day even if your routine never changes.

It is in those moments when we think nothing is moving or happening, it is happening behind the scenes where we cannot see movement.  This can change everything from an experience you have in hearing or seeing something, having a conversation or exchange with someone or simply having to go through something you would not have otherwise.  

So now, add this to the process of getting the immediate answer to your dilemma versus the right answer as you sit in your so-called stillness.  Stillness with evaluating your answer will look a lot differently in a day, two, or three – as you may have other options or experiences to help you step in tune with what you feel about your choices, rather than just jumping on the first answer. 

Make note of your environment, which also has a huge influence in your decision-making process.  If you are harried or stressed, tired or in a noisy room, your own examination of answers is going to look differently than observing from a quiet, calming environment.
While everyone is unique in how they navigate through their problems, it is in the clarity of your own decisions, which will make LINKRONICITY obvious.  This is the process of linking your life to what matters in your personal journey and eliminating toxic links, which no longer serve you. 

The key to your own happiness is self-acceptance of your process – not just your outcome, not just the destination.

The process makes you unique.

The process makes your life yours.

When we stop comparing our process to a ‘standard’ or a ‘mold’ as to how things should be, simply because our __________(fill in the blank – family, friends, neighbors, co-workers/colleagues, peers) is one way and start looking at our own lane of traffic as ours to drive, we begin driving on the road which allows us to sit more peacefully in our process. 

From here, you can explore your entire childhood across the spectrum of your experiences unique ONLY TO YOU and your personal story in order to help you navigate to your destiny.  This is NOT a one-size-fits-all process; this is a customized one specifically for you, your life, and your journey – because there is no one else exactly like you.  

Growing up now has a different meaning, beyond maturing. Growing INTO your own self-acceptance is growing UPward toward a higher level of self-love, consciousness and being.


Tuesday, October 4, 2016


Have you ever been asked the question, “Where do you see yourself XYZ number of years from now?” 

Most people who ask this question ask it in an attempt to assess your ability for goal setting.
However, no one bothers to realize the truth is that no matter what your answer is, or how many goals you set – wherever you are in say five or ten years, is not always something within your control.

Whether you are pro-active or passive, sometimes there are major life events, which change the course of your life.  Sometimes you do not foresee a certain set-back, or detour; sometimes you don’t expect to have a car accident or have an illness or have a death in the family. 

Sometimes, you may not have expected to change your college major or your career or have children or _________(fill in the blank).

The only constant is change.

The only real answer to the question “Where do you see yourself in XYZ years from now?” is – “Well I hope (XYZ) –but it is not an exact plan and there is room for the unexpected to change that plan.” 

This would be the TRUTHFUL answer. 

You may have heard the saying, “I am a work in progress” far too often.

The reality is that construction and reconstruction is part of LIFE.

Nothing stays the same forever.

We all change whether or not we choose to grow up or try to defy age or time.

With that process in progress, we shift our mindset and perspective to adapt and become flexible within the parameters of these said changes.  

On a daily basis, we experience events which affect our LIFE LINKS – and we are never the same after these LINKS are affected.

This is the process of transformation CONSTRUCTION WORK.  Sometimes transformation is in the movement of a millimeter; sometimes in monumental proportion – depending on the event and the openness to allow the change to enter.

Some people can view it negatively.

Some can view it positively.

Others may be indifferent, but remain open to new ideas about what the change has done and adopt it as something they want to keep or discard.

When animals mark things, they have a way of owning what they like along the way.  People are no different, when they decide a particular behavior, lifestyle change, material object or thought process suits them.

Suddenly, this becomes a new “This is me” adaptation of ownership and becomes part of who you are. 

As children, we learn this from our parents and family.  From our traditions, customs, rituals and preferences, we observe and adopt ways of doing things.

From how you wash your car to how you celebrate holidays to how you develop your daily habits when you wake up to when you go to bed – much of these behavioral practice is adopted and then later adapted to your liking as you go along in life.

But what happens when these LIFE LINKS are something you suddenly disagree with, or no longer resonate with who you are as an adult person?  Maybe you adapted some new ways of doing things by the circle of friends you keep or through a romantic relationship or maybe your neighbors or co-workers create new methods or processes.

This is part of the RECONSTRUCTIVE LINKS chain and ONLY YOU get to decide which part is back under construction vs. what remains intact. 

During this process, many people in your life may not “understand” what you are doing or think they don’t really ‘know you’ anymore.  

This is true in one aspect – you are changing, you are evolving, you are becoming and growing into someone new.

This is false in another realm – as you are always going to be YOURSELF and the core of who you are does not change, even if you decide to put some of your links under construction to make a particular life shift, which is more in tune with your authentic self being realized. 

What can you do during this time to cope with the transformation? 

STAY THE COURSE.  This is not a time to allow or give permission for others to try to make you “stay stunted.”   You have to understand the root of where they are coming from – and that is that they are coming from a place of fear.  

Read that again. FEAR. They are fearing that they are losing you.

In essence, they are.  They are losing the old you and they may resent the fact that you are making the choice for your own life to ‘not stay the same.’  But this has NOTHING to do with YOU… this has more to do with who they are and what their fear is in losing their identity to THE OLD YOU.

If they truly accept you and all that you are, you will see acceptance and find authentic support.  You may even inspire them to look inside themselves to do some reconstruction on their own links, which no longer provide a purposeful existence. 

Change is not always easy.  But it takes a lot of courage to not only take the leap to reconstruct, but to stand firmly and allow everything else to fall away in the process.

Sometimes this is painful and yes, it is natural to become nostalgic or melancholy about your past.  However, the past is not all that you are and does not define all that you are.  It can shape and mold who you are today from whatever you learned; but it does not restrict your growth unless you allow it.

Reconstructing your links means taking the time to examine and revisit behaviors and processes, which don’t work for you in order to redefine and open yourself up to learning so that you can move forward into your NEW LINKS.

Patience with yourself along your journey provides you with the ability to make better, smarter and positive changes for yourself to continue growing into the direction you aspire to dance within.  

So where you see yourself is more about how you adapt, adjust, accept and flow into what you choose to do as much as it has to do with what you didn’t choose, but choose to learn from in order to create CONSTRUCTIVE LINKS. 

It is within this construction process, we acquire the building blocks of life in order to rebuild our life into what it is we wish to co-create along with how life unfolds in the unexpected.  

CONSTRUCTIVE LINKS are taking our strengths from both the good and challenging experiences and become the architect of building something we did not foresee into something even more beautiful than we planned or imagine.

In the process of combining these elements, we then evolve and transform in the reconstructive phase to construct something exceptional within our own being and experiences, which make us all individually unique exactly as we are.