“I hate parties, but I love celebration.”
How many times have you heard someone say
this?
What are the chances you will hear this at some point during
the holiday season?
Maybe you even have heard yourself say it privately and you
are now waking up to realize this for yourself.
While this may look like an oxymoronic statement coming from
some Alanis Morissette album of the 90s, I assure you that this statement is
true for most … if only they would be honest and admit it.
Will people have the courage to be honest to admit this? That doesn’t matter.
But the bigger question is WILL YOU?
I don’t know, but I do know that if perhaps I start the ‘wave
of conversation' flowing this direction, maybe as you read this you may admit
to yourself (privately or publicly) that you agree with my statement.
Let’s get to the root of hating parties…Could it be this?
- · Shallow, meaningless small talk where people immediately want to label you by what you do for a living. You feel assessed by a job title, and that the judgments begin from this place, automatically putting you in a human disconnect. Maybe people ask for your card, never contact you - even if they give you yours and you contact them, it's like crickets and the connection was lost over an expensively printed card that was a tree sacrificing its life for that to end up nowhere. Maybe people at the party are only assessing the room looking around judging by physical appearances or judge you for what you’re wearing, rather than get to know who you really are on the inside. This is where you leave the party filled with indigestion, wondering why you bothered to show up, walking away with nothing meaningful or substantial from said experience.
Perhaps this is just a Los Angeles thing… but it exists... A LOT.
In
L.A. people will wait to see what car you are driving (or not) and area codes
dictate whether or not friendships can exist, because L.A. is so vast and
spread out 30-50 miles, taking several hours to ‘meet for coffee’ even if you
live in the same county.
It’s a commitment. But it is also a way to weed out the
die-hards vs. the flakes or frenemies who themselves are into shallow and meaningless
only-self-serving relationships.
You may laugh that there is only one bullet-point above… as
you may have expected a longer list comprised of other reasons to hate parties:
- · Fighting traffic
- · Finding a place to park
- · Crowds
- · Flu germs
- · Intoxicated and disorderly people
- · Food you can’t eat due to dietary restrictions
- · _________(fill in the blank).
But the above ‘list’ is merely EXTERNAL.
Most people will
muddle through this, navigate their way around it with certain incentives, even if it is uncomfortable/unpleasant to
have to over-prepare/psyche one’s self up, take a lot of vitamins, Airborne,
leave early, avoid the out-of-control folks, and eat before attending any said
shindig, hovering only around the crudité.
Plus, the above list somehow instantly bonds you to a
stranger with a shared feeling… even though no one will admit they also hate to
subscribe to ‘misery loves company,’ while navigating unfamiliar terrain. Don’t
deny it – this is your security blanket and you know it. However, IT IS NOT
GOOD FOR YOU to get trapped in this mentality.
Here is where I will CHANGE YOUR GAME… Digest all of the
above of what I just wrote. Now START
LOOKING INSIDE YOURSELF!
- What if I were to ask you “WHY” you attended all of the above?
- What kind of answer would you give me?
- What would you discover about yourself in ‘taking it all on –even though you didn’t want to?’
- What was YOUR expectation? Should you have had any? Did you have a motivation to go that differed from others?
Okay, so now we’re getting into deeper, more meaningful
conversation, eh?
Many people claim they want depth or to have meaningful
conversations, but in order to get to this place, you have to go beyond the ‘inconvenience’
– like peeling ginger.
Yes, it’s a pain.
Yes, you can do it more easily with a spoon and yes, it takes time. But like anything effort is not wasted.
When you understand why you put yourself through something,
you will soon understand what your motivation is/was to do this.
If you attended out of obligation, or with the idea you’d
walk away with something, then perhaps your motivation for going wasn’t PURE
enough to go into being OPEN to what you could discover, enjoy or experience. Did you set yourself up?
The only time you should ever have any type of
‘expectation’ going to any event/party is if you pay a hefty price for a ticket to ‘go to something’
like a networking party, which is promised as such.
But even then you are
limited to your own experience based on the limitation you place on yourself
from the beginning of having an expectation that you’ll walk away with said
list of what you set yourself up for!
Understanding your own motivation can be eye-opening.
Now you’re
developing a deeper and more meaningful relationship with yourself to work
through something that was originally difficult to see.
It has to start HERE first.
If it does not begin with YOU, it can’t really begin at all because you’re
creating an obstacle for yourself from the get-go, not giving yourself the
chance to see beyond what limitations you’ve put in front of yourself.
Once you understand what creates the mindset within your own
being, you can begin to overcome what you thought was annoying, inconvenient,
troublesome or simply a blockage to finally celebrating what could be.
What if you go and just tell yourself you’re up for the
unexpected and plan to have a good time having experienced something you wouldn’t
have if you did not go?
Did I just help you have a deeper connection to what
appeared as you original statement of “I hate parties, but I love celebration?”
Everyone likes to celebrate.
This is what parties are for in the first place – to celebrate life, or
an occasion or dare I say even a moment that is some sort of cause for enjoying
life and having joy and connection.
Of course, I'll always be the first to tell you that if you need to regroup and be in a place of refueling/refortifying/replenishing your energies and immune system to honor SELF-CARE - by all means, do this... otherwise you do compromise your well-being. Just be sure NOT to judge yourself as a party-pooper. We all need cocooning time to rest in order to show up as our best selves to have the best experiences by feeling GOOD from the start.
Of course, I'll always be the first to tell you that if you need to regroup and be in a place of refueling/refortifying/replenishing your energies and immune system to honor SELF-CARE - by all means, do this... otherwise you do compromise your well-being. Just be sure NOT to judge yourself as a party-pooper. We all need cocooning time to rest in order to show up as our best selves to have the best experiences by feeling GOOD from the start.
The same type of depth and meaningful relationships with your very own family and friends can exist if you choose to open up to see within yourself first in how you approach these relationships in the first place. Yes, it is YOU and how you choose to approach the situation.
While it can be true your relatives may or may not be as open as you or want the same type of depth because it is uncomfortable, keep in mind that if you do what you need to do to be yourself by showing up is not wasted either.
Yes, you are like that piece of ginger that you're peeling. Peel yourself.... you won't regret it. You may not be successful in peeling your grandparents or siblings, but that is theirs to work through. You can help, but you cannot force. Realize and understand yourself so you can see your own expectations from the beginning. It's like attending the above party... give yourself (and them) the place to celebrate if they choose to join this party, but don't taint your own experience based on your expectation of what they will or will not do.
Do not get hung up on what you
hate. Instead, focus on what you can learn to enjoy and discover if you
understand the deeper part of yourself that you simply accepted from a surface
level place as your truth.
Yes, that is worth re-reading again and again.
If you stop judging yourself, you’ll stop judging situations
that may or may not be real.
Assessing your own depth and your own openness to meaningful substance gives you deeper insight for what you seek yourself.
When you do this, you get to the place of acceptance.
When you get to the place of acceptance, you
breed an opportunity to have a place to have something deeper and more meaningful
within your own being enough to have a place of understanding and acceptance of
what exists ‘out there’ once you deal with ‘what is inside of you’ first.
Only when you get to this place can you even begin to SEE
what depths and meaningful relationships can exist because you’ve first started
having a reality check with yourself.
So are you ready? We’re
only at the surface with all this and there is much more S.C.U.B.A. diving to
do. If you’re interesting in going on this journey with me, I’ll give you a free
consultation to assess other depths you can go for excavating your own life
challenges and begin your own life party of truly living.
Don’t hesitate to reach out… there will be no ‘small talk’ –
only deep stuff … https://linkronicity.com/CONNECT.html
Now that is worth celebrating! It’s time you arrive at your own party!
Namaste.
