Tuesday, February 6, 2018


L-O-V-E. Love.  It is a powerful word isn’t it?  

What would you do for it?  What does it mean to you? 

From the surface in all of its organic purity, it is a beautiful word when the right intention is behind it. 

However, this four-letter word is complicated, misunderstood, and there are many layers to this precious word.  WHY is this so?  Because for love to exist, it must start with YOU.

You're pretty complex, you know.  How do I know?

Because you look in the mirror every day, yet you don't look beyond what you see in the mirror.  You do not look inside of yourself.  You look at what is on the surface, and you see your physical flaws - the blemish, the burn, the wrinkle, the bad hair day or whatever, but when was the last time you looked into your own eyes and into your own soul to see your own truth?

Whoa, right?  What would you see?  Would you see love?  I ask you that question.... so how do you answer what I have just asked? How would you describe it?

Dare I ask you to even tell me what you see?  I will always take that dare, and my hope is you will tell me YOUR TRUTH when we play this Truth or Dare game when it comes to talking about LOVE.

So what do you see? Do you know?  Have you given it deeper thought?

What do I mean by deeper?

Well... allow me to share a bit in order for you to SEE YOURSELF and ASK YOURSELF important questions about you, your life, your perception, how you think about LOVE and YOUR TRUTH and REALIZATIONS.  It is through our own breakthroughs and epiphanies, we are able to process our own connection through understanding how we PROCESS LOVE based on what we adapted to what we adopted from, the perceptions which were transferred and the influence of our environment.

It is here YOU WILL LEARN and get in touch to SEE your own self and what your LINK TO FINDING LOVE IS within.

When I was barely three years old, I can remember my mother inviting a neighbor friend over for coffee.  They would talk about pretty much everything and assumed that if I was pacified with playing in the backyard or in my room, I would not be aware of what was going on or what they were talking about.

Hehe.  They were SO wrong.

I remember the neighbor sharing with my mother some sort of gossip about another friend's love life and making the comment, "Love is blind."

Now while the neighbor was making reference to what this term means, "People do not see the faults of the people that they love," I did not know that THIS is what she meant when she said it.

As an almost-three-year-old, my only reference to blindness at that time was the song "Three blind mice" that we would sing in nursery school and the lyric "Three blind mice, ...see how they run."

Flash forward throughout my life offering smiles, hugs, kind words, and love.

Many friends would feel 'uncomfortable' and "repel"...turning away these gestures... and it was beyond the age of kids being kids thinking hugs consisted of cooties.

Some would cry.  I didn't know why.  Were they being 'blind' to the love that was in front of them?

I had wondered...deeply pondered. Temporarily I thought it was me, but later I learned it was not me... it was about what they were experiencing and/or not experiencing or rejected after experiencing in how they processed being accepted at all in order to be loved... or feeling deserving of it at all.

Yeah. Sit with this for a second.  Heavy, eh?

As a preteen, I would go back to recall the neighbor's comment, "Love is blind"...and this time understood its original context.  Could I be blind to seeing the flaws and the fact people were uncomfortable and repelling the gush monster who existed as love within me?

Then I thought back to my three-year old self and thought about the term again, but NOT in the context of how that comment is commonly used... rather in A WHOLE NEW WAY... people are blind to the love they have within themselves to RECEIVE LOVE IN THE LIGHT IN WHICH IT IS GIVEN.

"Ah..." ---- an epiphany and revelation at ten years of age.

Do people NOT SEE what LOVE IS?

Are they afraid of it?

Did they see my gushing as a flaw of mine? 

Did they love me anyway even though they themselves ran like the mice, being too overwhelmed by it?

Could they not face the fact they were the same inside - but did not have the courage to acknowledge it within?

Did their families tell them to 'shut it down' and 'deny them the opportunity to express it freely?' 

Was it too much? Too powerful?  Did my light actually blind them?

Or were they merely upset at the fact they had shelved a piece of themselves too similar to me, and I got to express it and they didn't and they felt anger and pain for not being allowed to be themselves with the love they had inside to share with the world?  

Was this a loaded question, too? ...

"What's wrong with me?"  the ten year-old me asked herself repeatedly.

My mother shook her head and reassured me in her own way that nothing was wrong to simply BE LOVE even if it was too much for other people to 'deal with' because they couldn't, or were too damaged or didn't know how or were afraid, or simply didn't even know what it was to receive it with the spirit in which it was given.

Hmm...She was right, but that did not console the child in me, and opened up about forty-five other questions, no teeny-bopper mag could bear to answer... and trust me, I wrote letters to ask!

Poets, novelists, and songwriters were able to create works revolving around love... but yet still could not explain or provide the answers to the questions I had asked.

Love appeared to be a riddle for artists.

Love was the topic, the theme, the inspiration for all creative works.  It was like caviar too rich for the heart, a multiple euphoric orgasm for the brain, and a golden ticket to freedom on a magic carpet of sorts.  Love was something of a backbone which contorted one's self like the bodies of Cirque de Soleil.  

As my friends flipped through their glossy teen mags, they had no interest in having these cerebral/emotional discussions with me and would rather focus their attention on the idea that they held in their hands a teen heartthrob pin-up with their words, "I love you."

These mass-produced pieces of paper kissed and slobbered on by millions were like 'fools gold.' "I love you" was written in Sharpie, pinned to every pre-pubescent teen's room.

Girls were not the only ones doing this. Boys had Charlie's Angels, Farrah Fawcett specifically on the wall, and Sports Illustrated sometimes hidden away.  Everyone's idea of 'love' growing up led to those childhood fantasies of what it could be. The three magical words, "I love you" thrown so casually within every glossy on the newsstand seemed to be some sort of 70s disco-era liberation movement post the 60s Woodstock of Peace, Love and Rock-n-Roll.  Not quite free love, but $1.25. (apologies to the people who just felt their age just now).  HAHA   Hey, say the mantra "50 is the new 30"....

While most preteens and teens knew there was a newsstand of 'love for sale,' they believed it must be true, but only for them...not even in general context, being told they were loved was personal.  They received it that way.... yet they could not receive love in other ways.

Was that a safer love to receive?  "From a distance" and in "fantasy land" and "not real?"   Or did they truly believe it on a level beyond the beyond in the soul reference context?

Frustrating to ask about... more frustrating to not have tangible answers. 

"Too deep, dear child," my grandmother would say with her words, but NOT with her eyes.
My grandmother was an emotional Pisces.... she connected and saw things with her heart.

She would flip through the teen mags giddily, laugh and smile, almost as if she was transported in a time machine to her teen days remembering the heart flutter, that idea of love, that crush, that feeling of euphoria and feeling invincible. As far as the magazine context in her hands, she did not understand any of it, but somehow got sucked into it like a vacuum and I watched it happen.

"Wow, how could Grandma think the groups KISS and The Bay City Rollers love her or that the Hardy Boys and 'Ponch' from CHiPs, Erik Estrada were going to 'See her around?'"

HAHA Funny visual... but she was swooning and weirdly so. Granted who could blame her, she was an extremely young widow having raised four kids by herself. She probably hadn't had these kinds of feelings in a long time.  And for a moment it felt good, it fed her ego and it brought her joy for a few nanoseconds.

This further confused as well as tantalized my psyche as she navigated Heaven and Earth gear shifting like a madwoman through various states of higher consciousness, Earthly fantasy, temporarily removed from reality and dancing in the moment of something not real, but felt good. I learned watching this, that this was possible.

I was fascinated by how writing could create some sort of intimacy that could transcend from pages into the lives and hearts beyond the page and how it could make people feel something to know they were alive to do so.

Laugh if you want at this strange child. Believe me when I say that when I was told "You are an old soul" - I didn't know whether or not it was a compliment, but my soul (though souls have no age), didn't actually care about the label, but still wondered how the hell they would be wise enough to be able to "say that" - yet not have the actual answers to all of my questions I had at that age about LOVE.

So in a strange way, even though these people did not have the answers, artists continue to RIDDLE US ALL with the perceived answers to the question of love the best they could to still have a commercial hook and appeal (though they would prefer to not sell their soul for the residual income)... SIGH... LOVE had power and sadly the idea of it was a commodity.

Silly as that sounds, that is what storytelling is about, is it not?  Even for a teeny-bop mag -  somehow by hypnosis, osmosis, whatever you want to call it, they were right in one sense, that had some freaky magic potion to almost subliminally be suggestive making girls and boys believe "I love you" was true, further feeding the illusion of the fantasies existing as seeds which bloomed into gardens of flowers and fairytale whimsy within the minds and hearts of groupies everywhere.

Yet, this was not love. Nor did this begin to cover what my head was curious about which existed in the psyches and souls of humans.

Infatuation is not love, but preteens and teens were somehow made to believe 'crushes' and such qualified as some sort of level of love to begin with on the pathway.

If you look at this with innocence, it seems 'cute' - but sadly, believing in this creates dysfunction, making people believe one-sided love is normal, healthy, further making a two-way street love, reciprocal relationship appear to be so foreign.

This is why people have unhealthy relationships, friendships, and co-dependence is created with the 'crutch' of belonging even though one person gives, the other only takes. Here people begin start feeling like they are taken for granted or taken advantage of and somehow need to be more or do more to be liked or loved or even accepted.

The preteen and teen years provided a lens. Through this lens, it is easier to gain greater insight to the other side of the lens.  Did these lonely souls in the pin-ups have same love questions?   While they were separated from their loved ones, processing a faux manufactured "love machine" walking in the real world in search of one to match the art of which they wrote, sang or acted out on a world's stage?

I had wondered deeply if by chance they had ever been told "I love you" or knew what it meant or understood love on a level beyond which the human processes love. 

  • Do you believe in or know the meaning of how others perceive those words? Do you believe others understand them the way YOU choose to receive or give those words?  
  • If the emotion of love was powerful just pouring out of you in a very expressive way, would others run like a blind mouse?  Would they be open to seeing your love?  Or would they push it away?  Do YOU push it away feeling unworthy of it?
  • Is your love too bright? Do you not own your own love within?
  • What if the world saw love with their hearts?  SAW – not just felt, but could describe what love looked like... do you know what it would look like?  How would it look to you and how would you explain it?

Take your soul out of your human body and fly with me for a little bit.... come on, I'll take your hand and let's fly together... I want you to SEE THIS:

We see acts of love every day in the random acts of kindness from humans and animals and from the Universe when the sun rises and sets.  Love is like this – it rises and sets, does it not? 

Love is... and does its magic in the right moment in a kind word, a smile, an act of generosity, comfort, compassion, empathy, and we SEE love with more than just our eyes, right?

We hear it, we feel it, we can also ‘know it’ when we encounter it and even when we have not yet met it, but understand the context of it, we also can come to know that it exists within everyone somewhere, even if it is not shown in the traditional or expected context.

If we are truthful with our pure intention and we know who we are, and how we want to show up, we can BE LOVE all of the time. 

When we can be this way we ARE LOVE itself.  Therefore, we need not ‘be in search of it’ – rather we become it.  It is when we are love all of the time, we attract just that – more love.  
As I got older, I would pull out this book and look at the book from a different place. 

What does love look like?   

Is this a loaded question?  Perhaps. It depends on HOW you were shown it, how you grew up with it and more importantly, how you process it, receive it, understand it, express it and show it - and I will tell you this... it is not so simple to understand. 

Let’s start with LOVE from the beginning… the day you were born.

You came into this world as a creature of love.

You did not have any opinions about love, nor did you have any love wound baggage or issues.

Love was simply all there was – to have, to give and ultimately to BE.

As you were 'oohed and aahed' over by loved ones, your human picked up signals that people fawning over you was a favorable thing.  Your soul was aware, but the soul is not attached to the human needs to survive. The soul can survive on its own with or without the human involved.

To you, the human baby “you” believed attention itself... this was the definition of love.

STOP.  Take a breath.  Absorb.  Pick your jaw up off the floor.
Wipe up the drool so someone doesn’t slip on it like a banana peel…(OSHA safety). 
Wash your chin from the dirty floor (Hey, it's for your own health).  

***Now marinate a bit in what you just read***

Are you trying to grapple this bit of info for the first time?  
It’s okay, we can be honest here… right?  This is a safe and sacred place to be honest.
Shouldn’t love be based on honesty?  Isn’t love honest?  Isn’t love pure?

Now take a deep look at what you just read. What do YOU SEE? 

  • Do you see that from infancy that you believed being oohed and aahed over equaled love? 
  • Do you see how your ‘ego’ was being trained and shaped?  So maybe what you saw with your eyes and what you felt with your heart was an idea you believed was love in full context by itself? 
  • Do you see that while your loved ones did/do love you, that simply adoring you – you believed this to be LOVE?  

But is this the definition of love?  No… it is not some might say.  Yes, it is… some might say.
And then there are others who would scratch their heads and say, “Um, I don’t know.”
While you may be loved, what your “ego” fell in love with was attention.



There is going to be a major twist and you'll want to be present for this. 
So keep reading!

It is the same reason why as a baby you might have thrown a tantrum for attention. 

It is the same energy with which you were encouraged to do well in school for the attention of praise for the 'atta boy' or 'atta girl' pat on the back, gold star, smiley face and/or ‘honor student’ accolades. 

Your brain processed something similar to Sally Field’s 1985 “You like me” Oscar speech response.  

It is HUMAN to want validation, reinforcement, and acknowledgement, for which part of this is natural and healthy.

Part of this though can become unhealthy very quickly as it not enough to sustain even the loneliest of souls, because it seeks the vibration of LOVE, but love cannot exist merely inside of attention alone.

As we well know sadly, attention is not enough. Attention is not the equivalent of love.

Although attention is extremely important the way sun, water, and food is to a garden of flowers.
To be ‘attentive’ in a relationship of any kind is a form of showing love.

We all know that if you are neglected while you are in a relationship, it does not feel good. 
I have utilized this reference before, but for many people feeling neglected can feel like being a dog left in a hot car on a 116 degree day with the windows rolled up. 

No single human/soul wants to do all of the initiating or maintenance or sustaining to try to keep going it alone with just one heart. Just ask Toni... 39 years of marriage and.. well, minding her love was not enough to keep her and the Captain together.

Anyone who has ever been in a one-sided non-reciprocal relationship knows, a two-sided conversation and mutual exchange creates a foundation of communication.

Both the human and the soul require this. Humans need words and actions.

Souls seek ‘like energy’ to spiral upward into the ether-sphere together to be in harmony as one. 

Communication and real conversation is like the fertile soil from which something can grow for the human.

When the human is ‘secure’ in this, the soul can take flight out of body to be less concerned about the human stuff and more in-tune with the soul stuff. 

However, if your entire ‘basis’ for love is attention… this is where most people get disappointed.

Attention all by itself is NOT LOVE… it only feeds ego. It does not feed the mind, the heart, the soul or the spirit. Attention cannot sustain one-sided communication, it has no ‘depth’ and it does not breed the foundation core principles, ethics, and values of LOVE.

When an infant grows to be a toddler, it is in this stage of child-rearing a child is taught to share.

Sharing.  Is sharing love?

Sharing is sharing. Sharing does not always equal caring, no matter how many people try to use the cutesy rhyme to try to get you believe it is so.  Sharing is a courtesy. Courtesy is part of manners. You can be polite to the whole world and the whole world can be polite to you.  But politeness does not equal love. However, it can breed respect. 

And respect is part of one of the foundation principles for love to exist. 

Is respect love?

Respect alone is not love. Everyone deserves respect…. And while everyone deserves love, too – just because you are shown respect, does not always equal LOVE.

Is sharing necessary in love? 

Is caring necessary in love? 

Is respect necessary in love? 

****** Let that soak in *****

Someone can like you, but not love you.

Someone can love you, but may not like you.

Some people were raised with the idea they are one in the same.

Some have never known either but believe they understand love.

Sharing and caring are necessary for love to have fertile ground to exist, to grow, to become something more than the sum of its parts.  Respect is also part of this.

However, just because someone shares with you, or cares for you, and/or respects you … Is that the full equivalent of love?

Let’s talk adoration. Is adoration love? 

Is it possible to be shared with, cared for, respected, adored, and to be paid attention to and STILL NOT KNOW LOVE? 

Ask anyone who has ever claimed to be in a loveless relationship, only in companionship, and they will tell you, YES. Some of my clients have been in loveless relationships for decades told they are adored, and even admired. But yet, love appears to have gone M.I.A.

Ask anyone who has compartmentalized love to only be identified by their perspective of a few of these components and they will say NO. 

This is why love is confusing for many.

However, a child or an animal will show you one thing, and that is love has no judgment… unless of course there is pain and then the human withholds as a form of punishment.

There are usually no conditions on the love that is shown here “unless...” 

Wounded adults will put conditions on love for a protective and cautionary sense of wisdom kicking in, learning from their past experiences.

Severely damaged adults will sometimes put no conditions or boundaries on love, claiming they believe in unconditional love, when what really is happening is love hurts more by being attached to the idea of love than being removed from toxic and unhealthy love and people think that by staying that this is proving love.

************** Take a closer look at that.  Staying in something unhealthy does not mean one knows what unconditional love is.  Instead what started out as unconditional love turns into self-sabotage and puts one in danger of believing that any attention, even if harmful - from mental cruelty, physical or emotional abuse is still attention and attention equals love.  THIS IS WRONG.  It is NOT LOVE.  This is not what love is. *******************

Get. Out. Now. Get help. Love yourself enough to leave. You do not need to stay to prove anything to anyone, rather you need to learn how to love yourself so you do not enable or allow THAT false idea of love to exist.  Make no mistake.... the only love that exists is the love you have for yourself to be brave enough to set yourself free from something which destroys the real love within you. 

To stay deliberately where one is hurt does not breed a healthy foundation for real love to exist or grow.

This is where love gets more complicated and you have to ask yourself if you love yourself enough to remove yourself from an unloving situation which you identified as love because it involved attention.

If you adore a cat and the cat scratches your eyes out… do you still adore the cat?
Do you love the cat?

One will say the cat did not know better and forgive the cat and take this philosophy to human situations going back time after time to be abused.

When a human does the same action many times it is unsafe. 

Therefore, people’s idea of what love is, is confusing and complicated.  The parameters for love sometimes become polluted, dangerous, as well as blurred beyond recognition of the purity for which love is created.

Flashback to people repelling kindness, hugs, love, and nice gestures and why they cry....
is it because the humans cannot begin to believe that the love is real? Or that they have been denied or abused to this degree?

Or is it mere confusion as the pure self knowing what love is merges with the confused discombobulated soul who allowed the human to BELIEVE what love is as a set up to be for a presumed mistrust coming?

Sometimes people get so beaten down they lack the belief that they can be loved to this degree to receive this love. Sometimes they have not ever seen this kind of love, even if they know it from a soul place, as a human they may have no examples of it to understand it.

This means they have lost the love within themselves to SEE LOVE much less FEEL love and to KNOW LOVE, because they have lost themselves to know that THEY ARE LOVE.

Most people are confused by what real love is.  Some will say their idea of love changes the more they know themselves

ONE THING DOES NOT CHANGE... If you love yourself first and maintain that love within and you keep that in tact for who you are, honoring yourself is a breeding ground for seeing the love in others, sharing the love you have, attracting the love you have for yourself instead of merely filling a void and growing a healthier love from the get-go.

Others will take a step back and say they don’t know if they have ever really known what love is, or if they have been in love, or only what they were told that love is – perhaps because they do not know who they are and how they wish to show up in love.

It is here we SEE and FEEL different things, right? 

Does this prove more than ever that you may not know what love truly is until you fully become love yourself so you can know it and see it in others?   

Is this where love begins? 

YES. It begins with you. If you are blind and cannot see it and if your heart cannot feel it, perhaps looking within first is a good place to start…if you can learn to trust yourself with it, and love yourself enough to own it.  Maybe the next time you use the word, you’ll understand it more than you ever thought you would or could know it.

Now please take my hand, I'm going to take your soul back to when you were a baby... let me show you this "TWIST" I highlighted above and shared with you earlier.

Remember your loved ones "oohing and ahhing" and fawning over you, adoring you, respecting, you, loving you, caring for you, sharing your smile with others, proud of you?


That's right. JUST YOU... YOU ARE LOVE.

They were sharing YOU AS LOVE.

Your human brain did not need to process attention = love.  Rather all your heart had to do was to SEE THE TRUTH and THE TRUTH IS THAT YOU ARE LOVE AS YOU ARE.

When you show up this way, you do not need to SEEK OUT anything from anyone to fill any holes of emptiness in your heart.  Instead you have a WHOLE HEART TO SHARE with the world and with those you love, because YOU ARE YOU. 

If you take this whole heart of yours and combine it with kindness, respect, sharing, caring, generosity, hugs, nice gestures, pure heart intention, with listening, attentiveness, honesty, truth, trust, loyalty and everything else you attach to the idea of love, once embraced WITHIN YOURSELF as what YOU PUT OUT THERE, you can magnetize more of what you are.... for  YOU ARE LOVE. 

This is how you find love.  You find it within yourself FIRST TO KNOW IT so you can recognize it when you SEE IT. 

Together, that is one amazing package. There must be no confusion that any one of those things can exist isolated alone as what the meaning of love is, because they cannot exist unless YOU are aligned with it... that YOU understand it and that YOU have become it and owned it and trust in yourself to BE LOVE and BE LOVING as the LOVE YOU ARE with the LOVE YOU HAVE.


This is when LOVE IS MOST BEAUTIFUL.  If we can accept the pure souls and shatter the toxic damaged human parts of ourselves, even more love can and will exist.

Imagine then - what happens when whole hearts find whole hearts instead of the human ego demanding that another half heart must complete what is not there.

Uh yeah.... are you getting this yet? 

It is in this place, the world has more love. We are all love already, but now we just need to look in that mirror, deep into the human eyes to see our pure soul and know that LOVE IS WITHIN.  We must cultivate it, work on it, refine it, bring it out and let it breathe in all of its beauty and purity.

Love may be blind in that YOU DO NOT SEE YOURSELF AS LOVE, but this is where you need to stop being blind to see that love exists within you.

You do not need to run from yourself. Facing what you have inside is probably the toughest love relationship you will ever have in your life. 

Like with magic, we believe… and there is a place in the human heart and psyche that trusts and believes in it.  If love could be heard, it would be every note in a song.  If it could be felt, it would be everything that felt cozy, comforting, safe, and warm, yet cool and refreshingly breezy. And if it could be tasted it would be every taste, including all of the yet not fully explored dimensions of umami.

Believing in it, even if we cannot always see it requires trusting in it.  We know it is beyond description of what can be seen.   

Yet… it is when we close our eyes, we trust that what we see is there… always. When we open our eyes and LOOK DEEP INSIDE we can see that the love we are born with never goes away, it just needs to be coaxed out to return to a place of being.

The only way you can truly know that it is exists, is to look in your own eyes as you look in the mirror and know that for any of it to exist at all, that love has to start WITHIN YOU.

Now what you will do with it, now that you know it is there?

Smile and say "I am loved... and I AM LOVE."