Monday, December 7, 2015


How do you define joy?

How do you define fulfillment?

How do you define happiness?

If you were to sit down and ask yourself these questions, how would you answer?  You would see that the ultimate contentment and happiness could be found if you break down what it is that each of these mean to YOU in YOUR LIFE.

As a child, it was natural to please others and ‘go along’ with the idea of what happiness actually means without ever addressing the attachment to the stimulation of this emotion.  

Over time, it became a conditioning of what that truly meant.

As an adult, when you start to figure out who you really are and what resonates within you, you start to discover that happiness is an inside job and it is only YOUR definition of it that can begin to dissect its meaning.

Yesterday, I overheard a couple arguing loudly in a store about what Christmas present would make their child happiest. The man started screaming angrily at his wife stating she didn’t really know her own child and what brought him joy. He knew Xbox gaming would make his son’s Christmas.  She yelled back loudly and accused him of not knowing his son because he never spent enough time with their child and if he paid attention, he’d see their son was starting to have an interest in music and a guitar would make his Christmas.

As you read about this conversation that was overheard, what would you decide?

Perhaps the boy would answer that what would make him happiest is to not have his parents fighting all the time and both of them to actually have a conversation with him and spend it being happy as a family like his other friends. 

Maybe his answer would be not to have others ‘assume’ what makes him happy and actually ask him what does.

Happiness is our own choice.  It is not a guessing game of assuming what makes others happy if you don’t know what that even means for yourself. 

As we celebrate the 50th anniversary of Peanuts, let’s take a look back to genius Charles M. Schultz who wrote the book, “Happiness Is A Warm Puppy…”

Each character defined, chose something different. Schultz let that be a child’s choice to DEFINE for themselves.  

Another conversation was overheard.  It was a young twenty-something couple. They were marveling at the holiday lights and the spirit of the holiday season. The young woman watched the kids at the gathering running around and playing, while others cried in tantrum mode at the sight of Santa. 
She turned to her husband and said, “You know the holidays won’t ever be happy unless we give our parents grand kids.” 

He said, “Yeah, but that won’t make us happy to have them before we’re ready and pay off our student loans.” 

Both continued to wrestle with their conflicting feelings looking totally lost and not wanting to be around the holiday ‘scene’ and they both mutually decided “Let’s get out of here.” 

Now on the flip-side here is what Happiness ISN’T….

  • It is not the expectation of your parents or their definition of it.

  • It is not your romantic partner’s expectation or their definition of it.

  • It is not ‘going along’ with the expectation your friends or peers impose upon you to say what happiness is if it doesn’t agree with how you define it.

  • It is not what society defines.

The young couple was not happy feeling the pressures and imposition of others definition of happiness.  They decided for themselves to get space and regroup.

What did you learn from this?

YOUR definition and what you attach joy, fulfillment to ultimately defines what you expect out of happiness.

Is this wrong?  It is only wrong if your priorities are not in alignment with WHO YOU ARE and if you are still ‘unhappy.’ 

That’s how you know it is wrong, because IT IS NOT WORKING FOR YOU.

When you are happy – it is when you decide you are happy and decide what that actually means.
Read that again.

You cannot ‘expect’ happiness to find you, until you decide to be completely OPEN to receive the happiness that is already there and say “This is good enough as it is, because I am good enough.” Happiness escalates from there, when you choose.

That’s right… it is already there.  It’s a gift waiting for you to open it.

Will you?

But as a humans, it is natural to like the chase.  So let’s take it from that perspective. 

Like a scavenger hunt for treasure, you can choose to find happiness in every single event, every single moment, each and every day. 

How YOU CHOOSE to attach your mood is up to you. You have the power to change it.

If your fence gets broken by a tree falling on it, you can be grateful that the tree chose the fence and NOT YOU.  

If friends or neighbors offer a helping hand to fix it or offer comfort for this happening, you can be grateful and happy you are so fortunate to have their support and care. 

If you do not have the means to fix it, perhaps you can be happy that you get to try something different as a solution and tap into creativity you didn’t know you had within you. 

You can choose to find the silver lining in every cloud if you allow your eyes to see it.

For the first couple arguing about their child’s Christmas present, they could see that the greatest happiness was having the gift of their son and maybe collectively decide WITH HIM, as a family how they could make their holiday happy and not ‘assume’ or ‘guess’ but actually communicate. The joy is sitting right there waiting for them to be enjoyed.

For the second couple, happiness was also right there as they first marveled at the lights and spent time together to enjoy the moment and their present decision in deciding this happiness was good enough right NOW. 

Have you ever noticed that after a major act of Mother Nature, ‘how grateful’ people are for the concern, the care, the out pour of love, the helping hand, the donations, the display of support and community outreach?  

While they are grieving losses, while their hearts are broken, some miraculous strength emerges from this darkness to seek the light.  We can learn so much by witnessing this unfold before our eyes.

Everyday automatic pilot days – happiness is missed.

But when overcoming challenges and facing a situation where there is sorrow or grief, happiness chooses to rise in the form of hope. 

Do you notice how people CHOOSE to focus on rebuilding, bonding, uniting, strengthening, and focusing on the power of hope, love, peace, and the support to grow stronger, become more aware and join forces to better the situation by connecting?  

Human beings naturally have this within. In times of struggle, they choose happiness to HEAL and grow stronger.  This is just human nature.  Everyone is equal in that we all have this to begin with, we just need to choose it.

Happiness is THAT POWERFUL of a choice – it can heal, it can help, it can rebuild, it can strengthen, it can CHANGE LIVES with that choice alone – first your own and inspiring others to let the happiness grow like a beautiful flower through a field of weeds.

Happiness is a choice.  You can choose to wake up and be grumpy or you can wake up and choose happiness.

Which do you choose?  

To understand this and how it ALL LINKS TOGETHER – Watch this video to get the 411 on how it all works:

Still confused?  Perhaps you can make the list talked about in the video, to see in front of your own eyes how YOU define joy. 

When you start to understand that you are placing responsibility on other people or other things to be responsible for your joy, this is why you do not have it.

It is that simple.  It’s not their job.  It is yours. 

You have a choice to look at difficulties in your life as growth challenges or you can choose to be a martyr.  

If you are unhappy, you are allowing your circumstances to define you.

Is that right?  Are you giving away the right to your circumstances to be responsible for defining you?

Aren’t YOU IN CHARGE?  When did you give up that responsibility?

Ask yourself when you gave permission for that to happen and reclaim your internal joy.

First, SMILE.  Feel how your body can automatically ‘feel better’ by this one command you put into your psyche of your overall well-being.  It’s miraculous how one simple muscle movement can give you something you did not have before you took it upon yourself to make that conscious choice.

Now imagine what it would be like if you made all your choices this way!  Choosing your mood, choosing your outlook, your perspective, your shift to optimism, opening your mind and heart to a new way of thinking, feeling, and being ---- BECAUSE YOU CAN! 

While this may seem like elementary stuff, daily life has somehow been enabled to rob adults of daily joy, daily fulfillment, daily happiness because we humans allowed that to be.

Now imagine if you decided you were going to show others your BEST SELF.

You would feel good about it, wouldn’t you?

It’s possible that your own joy can be inspiring others to do the same.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be able to open the door to joy, fulfillment and happiness each day by your own choice? 


CHANGE YOUR LINK.  UPGRADE YOUR LINK to happiness, joy and fulfillment. 
Choose to be content with your choices.

Reclaim the LINK to this happy place because you have the opportunity to do that for yourself.
It is there for you to choose in an endless stream --- and you can do this at your will to choose to smile and choose the mood that can make you feel good all the time.