My community is sitting stunned in emotional paralyzation, grieving and mourning, but also coming into the light. Let us all BE the light we can be with gentle compassion. For it is in this light and love, we provide the light of comfort for others.
When hearts are trying their very best to embrace the 'soldier on' mode, but seem temporarily unable to because hearts are broken, it’s never an easy time.
Sometimes it is hard to gather the appropriate words to express every thought or emotion swirling about a time with the barrage of news hitting every direction.
The start of 2020 has been just that for my community.
If there has ever been a ‘ghost town’ quiet vibrational feeling within an otherwise bustling area, of jam-packed sardines urban/suburbia crossover - this is it. It feels surreal as my present-day living environment. But it is here and it is real.
Southern California is united and yet undefined, and it is divided by district, community and governing. However, when it comes to crisis mode, tragedy, loss – this is where we say, as The Judds so eloquently said, Love Can Build A Bridge.
There are several counties, hundreds of cities and regions that make up this place. There is a lot going on all of the time - but because there is not one specific 'go to metro' - community is united and defined differently than most who have a single city that represents exactly who they are.
Yes... that is a lot to say, but it is true. But when it comes to the common thread in unification – it is always at a time like this, that we are all brought together. The freeway arteries that once separated everyone as 'geographically undesirable" or 'too far' - suddenly become a 'mission' or 'journey' of powerful determination even from other areas across the globe - we are connected.
In one word, most are ‘overwhelmed.’ It's been a compounding tragic accident heartbreak along with news of the growing pandemic coronavirus outbreak and there is so much going on that many are having a hard time processing it all simultaneously – with grief and tears in one hand; fear and a face mask in the other; it has been a trying time for most.
Many are feeling lost in a whirlwind of life's unexpected links at a time when the blank slate of a New Year and decade held promise at its beginning; and now the reality of coping with said links, has them searching drowning in emotion.
Heartfelt sympathies and compassion swell up and uncertainty with GPS for the output of so many places to send love and prayers and feeling stretched to constructively feel all and do all from the heart’s intent is like a 24/7 continuous swirl of expending everything at the same time.
I’ve been asking questions, and while some people are still ‘processing’ – I understand that right now, everyone is in a ‘different place’ of how they are trying to come to terms with their emotions.
My community is mourning, grieving, and in the giant wave of ‘hush’ - flabbergasted with the tidal wave of events that have already invaded 2020, tainting the “happy” in Happy New Year.
A few have said they are sitting in a pool of disbelief and disappointment.
Some have given themselves permission to throw away their resolutions and instead gravitate to the known creature comforts for some sort of familiarity, reassurance and nod of stability in what feels like an unstable shift of worlds.
Others keep asking “Why”… and cannot make sense of how 2020 is looking at this space, moment and time.
Please Lovely Souls, be reassured – all of this is natural “processing” – grief affects many differently and we do not have “one mirror” of what it looks like.
Be gentle with yourself… you always hear me say this. But at a time like this, you must – for in being gentle with yourself, you can be gentle with everyone else, your family, your friends and loved ones, your community and yes, every stranger.
It is imperative to understand – some may not have the words; some may have many; some may show the tears on the outside; some may have a flood of them within. There is no ‘one’ way to grieve or deal with this on-going level of processing numerous things we are being bombarded with simultaneously to “understand.”
Understanding may be gradual or it may come at you all at once, in terms of how YOU deal with your emotions. What matters now, is we allow everyone to take a breath, a moment and give them the room to deal so they can heal.
It is because I see this, I feel I must talk about it – and in doing so, maybe I can help someone know they are seen and they are not hallucinating, this low-vibration does exist right now in a funky way that it has not existed before simultaneously from ALL directions, not just one incident, accident, tragedy.
For many 2020 has happened in one run-on sentence:
With ‘first cases’ of the coronavirus announced from the news hitting cities; the stock market taking a hit; the tragic death of Kobe Bryant, his daughter and the other families on board; the growing homelessness crisis shame; the on-going impeachment trial that is staring directly at us as others wonder what next year will look like based on who shows up and what candidates can fix it all; and also the daily reminder of disappearing familiar spots with the numerous other brick-n-mortar closings of what was once looked at as ‘stable business’ symbolic of security, dying, closing in front of our eyes, the on-going daily tragedies of shootings, violence, uproar, even Mother Nature’s perpetual motion - and the endless list goes on…. Somehow life is feeling like it is on some alternate course, or alternate universe not of our own choosing.
The one-breath run-on is the wheel turning and churning in the minds and guts of many in my community and I am sure it is in yours, thus it was necessary.... even if some cannot even muster energy to talk about - this is a conversation we must have for the well-being of our own communities.
Some call it life's sick and unwanted tragic plot twist. Some optimistically say it is the road to our next chapter, for without these things, other things don't get fixed or grow for things no one knew needed to be fixed/changed or grown.
“Doc…. can we bring back the time machine?” some may ask…While others are looking forward to a ticket to Mars; as others are Googling what I just said, because they are not familiar with the “Back to the Future” reference.
Everyone is searching, seeking, reaching, wondering, all through this thing called life, wanting to find answers, understand, feel connected, and make sense of something that doesn't seem real, but is.
If you are experiencing your community being quiet, acting isolated keeping to themselves, yet walking around like zombies feeling ‘not quite right’ – and it is here I ask …
“What can I do? How can I serve? Where can I help?”
Perhaps, it is these three things that may actually be of help – if you are feeling helpless at this time.
If you are finding no one wants to talk due to 'still processing' – perhaps it is a good time to do some of your own reflection in how YOU are processing it all.
- We must look at what we are learning.
- We must look at what we are being shown.
- We must listen and be present.
- We must understand that emotional release is imperative.
- We must see the ways people are doing this – and be grateful to be alive to witness each and every one being honest and vulnerable at this time.
- We must say THANK YOU for the opportunity to be here to do something, share something, and give something from our hearts right now.
It is here I wanted to write a blog about the different styles of mourning and grieving that affect our world right now.
People process sadness differently. This is where we give respect, space, time and peace for others to do so in their way.
Yes, sadly the world may feel uncomfortable, painful and disorganized in a chaotic way.
If you walk outside, you yourself may see that many are keeping their head down, tuning out the world with earbuds in.
One could speculate if Bob Marley is singing “Don’t worry about a thing. Every little thing, is gonna be alright” – utilized as an affirmation on repeat in an endless loop, in order to convince one’s soul that it will.
Even if Zen music attempts to heal inside what is seemingly uncontrollable outside – let it be what you need to help you through. Crying, journaling, and at times cocooning can be ways for you to cope. There is no 'one-size-fits-all' way of coping... there is only your way right now and that is okay- Just know - YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I think it is imperative that I say this right now.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. So if you need help, reach out. If you need time, do not hesitate to give yourself the time needed for processing. If you need anything - this is a time for everyone to BE; for some to DO; for others to find and navigate their way to simply BE and DO.
If the earbuds are merely a "well-placed disguise" for the wearer listening to nothing at all, because it is already ‘too much’ and it is an effective 'noise barricade,' and the TV is off – that is okay, too.
Walks in nature or time with animals may also help you “process.”
But the TRUTH is what will heal you most - your truth, whatever it is you are TRULY FEELING is okay, healthy, human and sacred - you are in it and you can step into and out of your authentic emotions without any judgment, because at this time and place - EVERYONE is going through something.
We are more alike than not as humans/souls in union and it is when we are united we are better than we were before because we can RECOGNIZE the grief in others from first confronting it within ourselves.
Last year, when I wrote, and video recorded the 2019 ascension year - you might have taken the time to prepare yourself for change and transformation, yet may not have been prepared for these unforeseen events. Trust that the footwork you have been doing up until now and through this now is what is helping you rise to your own recognition of your own feelings. It will always be part of the human part of being a work in progress to deal and heal, repeat.
For those of you observing life, further confused by what you see – do not think your neighbors or friends are oblivious or immune to what is happening.
While I watch some partying it up as extreme reversal Twilight Zone, as a means of both denial/escape and also ‘life is short’ YOLO reality; I see other lone wolves quietly sitting on the curb as if they are waiting for a parade to come by or perhaps to sit on actual literal concrete as commentary on what they wish for at this strange and bizarre time.
Yesterday, I watched a man in his pajamas and slippers walk in the grocery store grabbing and sniffing the produce in a daze – as if to inhale LIFE to remind him he is alive. This was ‘his way.’
Poetically beautiful to my mind's eye and brave to be authentic in how he was grappling with grief, and this funky reality of today's hand dealt.
Sunday, my neighbor’s emotional support dog ran up to me on two legs (!) becoming my height, wanting to slow dance --- no joke, as if the dog had enough ‘giving’ being the pillar and needed its own “outlet” to do some soul refueling and find joy. I slow danced with the dog, as it looked into my eyes, knowing I could see the soul who desperately wanted some recognition of "hey, I may be a dog, but I am human, too."
Everyone is trying to hang in and hold on, do their best to keep calm and yes, pull themselves out of their funks to ‘carry on.’
Is it “business as usual?” NO, Lovely Souls – it is not. Take a look around in your own community - notice, look, listen - but then I will ask you to look closer to truly SEE.
I ask in my nightly prayers, that everyone be kind, respectful, gentle and patient with each other as people are trying to ‘find their way’ in a way they cannot process in dealing with all of the above in simultaneous juggling, while surviving the only way they know how.
Some people are trying their best just to tread water; others are drowning in their emotions; some are totally numb; others are thinking this is all a nightmare and feel doomed; while others are hustling at the 180 degree ambitious direction as fast as they can to keep going like a moving target cannot be hit; while others are simply M.I.A. deliberately to find a moment to breathe.
And then there are others like the Orange Coast baseball team who just went out there to carry on the torch playing hard with all heart as tribute for late Coach Altobelli.
No matter who you are --- you have your way of processing. Please know no one (!) can label, define, nor classify how you move forward or through.
I am sending a loving ‘shout out’ recognition to EVERYONE ... you are NOT invisible to me.
If my saying this helps you, I will say it again – you are not invisible to me and I send love, light, peace, blessings and healing at this time.
Everything I have written so far is to let you know you are being acknowledged – and you have every human right to process your emotions your way… no matter who is saying what or what your community is saying or doing.
People are having to ‘take stock’ of what matters right now – not just in action, but how to process reaction and what it means internally for what it pushes forward in confrontation. It’s not easy to look at for many; while others are grateful to be able to be alive here to see it at all.
The big question on everyone’s mind is like an elephant in the room asking the big question WHY?
Sometimes, finding the ‘answer’ to all of the above cannot be given in one word, one sentence or even made sense of, as change is its own beast that makes us FEEL things, SEE things – sometimes painful, sometimes not always graceful and sometimes unspeakable, even if you think you have a lot to say on the matter.
Let’s discuss what IS happening from the state of shock, the hot buttons of fear and mortality, pain and empathy so deep that it makes your heart hurt, swelling compassion, a brain of duality in fogginess and numbness simultaneously with one in swirling ways to “process” everything with logic when there is none to make sense of the senseless.
Whether you are out there in the purple and gold communing; or you are holding a sign and marching forward; or you are doing the status quo to get through; or you are in the trenches of tears; or you are out there living your life with face masks on, Purell handy and not wanting to crack a smile, let alone BREATHE - you are being YOU…your unique being of dealing so you can proceed to healing, your way.
At this time, Lovely Souls – we must find compassion and not allow fear to divide us when we are being given a tapestry of threads that can unite us in some way to be compassionate and helpful, heart-to-heart and given every minute and moment of still being here to say and do something.
For some, emotions come to the surface in recognition that we never know from day-to-day what the day will bring. For others, the feeling of passionate action envelops them without any real means of control. For others still, there are many who shake their heads in disbelief, wondering what 2020 has brought into this new decade, this New Year, this fresh slate of unexpected emotional homework that no one asked for, or prepared for.
On the flip-side, new things are changing our everyday reality. New milestones and discoveries are being made and some of it is too much ‘overload’ for the senses to digest, much less examine because of the overshadowing other events that bring us all back down from the clouds to deal with a bunch of new things hitting us.
Some people are feeling guilty for celebrating life and some good things happening to them because of all that is happening, feeling as if it is inappropriate.
Others are actually celebrating their own personal milestones even harder, when brought to light they may not have tomorrow to do it and don’t take today for granted, for that is their 'take away.'
We are not here to judge. So let's stop that now. We are here to support, so let's be that now.
Still, many are feeling the need to take a ‘sick day’ into a cocooned multiple sabbatical in order to feel whole again or right again or to deal with what is feeling like for many like helplessness and hopelessness but yet in the same breath of wanting to “do something” in order to feel like a contributing in the only way they know how.
As I see my fellow artists trying to ‘create’ in order to exorcise what lies within; I see A-types slowing down to regroup and reflect; and I see others not knowing what to do at all so they’re marinating in some sort of icky stew that is making them feel something that has not been felt to this degree in a myriad of ways.
It is here I say to you…
I see all of you.
I feel all of you.
I know all of you in all I described above and even too much to write that I haven’t fully described, but what words, thoughts and feeling ping-pong cerebrally, and soulfully within my existence.
Whether you are from another generation, another culture, another world in dealing with what is in front of you right now – what we all share as the common denominator is, we are human and we FEEL.
And it is with this, I extend my heart, my hands, my compassion and love radiating outward like a light – which is all I know to do right now along WITH YOU, and may it be somehow comforting.
THIS is something I CAN DO and quite frankly anyone CAN DO, even if you don’t quite know all the things to do.
There are so many words within me to unleash from my psyche, my soul, my heart, my being and yet, somehow none of them seem adequate enough to convey or articulate all I wish to say from the purest place of wanting to say the right thing that will make things right.
WE ALL HAVE WITHIN US – that super elixir from the beating heart called LOVE and it is the only thing that will accomplish healing in the process of dealing with what is happening.
We are all being asked to see who we are in this light, how we become stronger in this moment and from here do the best we can to digest, deal, heal and find a way to make sense of life, even when at a time it does not.
The truth is, none of us are the same people yesterday or the day before or last week, month or year or years. Change, loss, and things that make us think, feel and react are meant to make us shift ourselves, act a certain way, even if ‘that way’ is unknown much like how life is, just when we think we even have a tiny finger on the pulse of figuring it all out.
We are all human in this way. The bigger question is have our souls come to a place of recognizing this fully?
We are in constant shift, ever-changing and are asked to move by the Universe – even in times we all may feel paralyzed by change, by events, by life and yes, death and yes, the unfathomable economic ups and downs, the viruses and tragic accidents that change our lives forever in a way that we are not the same.
As I am watching people recoil in safety to heal and process and as I am watching people do the opposite and try to escape, and as I am watching people realize they don’t know what to say or do, I felt the need to say something if anything just to somehow infuse LIFE into a BREATH of the SPOKEN WORD.
May it be yours to hold onto in ‘knowing’ there is no ‘one way’ to feel, do, act, or be that is a one-size fits all mold for everyone. We each have our own methods of processing and they are necessary for humanity and we are lucky in that our feelings can be shared if we wish to share them on our terms – even if we don’t quite know how to laundry list them in identification in a pretty package.
I’m just here to say, I am with you. Sometimes knowing you are not alone somehow instills its own way of validation or reinforcement that it is natural to be exactly where you are right now feeling exactly as you do.
And while right now, I have no verse and my words are imperfect and inadequate to sum up in entirety all that I see, think, hear, feel, comprehend, and express – and NO ONE’S magic words are – let us all be gentle with ourselves and each other as we go through all of it, removing judgment and breeding more compassion and love in the process.
May we find kindness and respect, love and harmony when it may be the ONLY thing we can do right at a time when no one knows exactly how to process everything.
May we find gratitude for being alive right here, right now, today in the present moment and be grateful for the fact we are lucky enough to be able to do so is something… anything, even if we deem it to be ‘not enough.’
Because truth be told, even if in a small way whatever you do, however you pray, do or say something that can help even just one person or more at this time of processing what we are all experiencing at this time, may that be its own little light to shine on in guiding the way through this pathway and may we all be in this to help each other TOGETHER.
In comfort, peace, love and let there be healing light. Amen.