My community is sitting stunned in
emotional paralyzation, grieving and mourning, but also coming into the light.
Let us all BE the light we can be with gentle compassion. For it is in this
light and love, we provide the light of comfort for others.
When hearts are trying their very
best to embrace the 'soldier on' mode, but seem temporarily unable to because
hearts are broken, it’s never an easy time.
Sometimes it is hard to gather the
appropriate words to express every thought or emotion swirling about a time with
the barrage of news hitting every direction.
The start of 2020 has been just that
for my community.
If there has ever been a ‘ghost
town’ quiet vibrational feeling within an otherwise bustling area, of
jam-packed sardines urban/suburbia crossover - this is it. It feels surreal as my present-day living
environment. But it is here and it is real.
Southern California is united and
yet undefined, and it is divided by district, community and governing. However,
when it comes to crisis mode, tragedy, loss – this is where we say, as The Judds so
eloquently said, Love Can Build A Bridge.
There are several counties, hundreds
of cities and regions that make up this place. There is a lot going on
all of the time - but because there is not one specific 'go to metro' -
community is united and defined differently than most who have a single city
that represents exactly who they are.
Yes... that is a lot to say,
but it is true. But when it comes to the common thread in unification –
it is always at a time like this, that we are all brought together. The freeway arteries that once separated everyone as 'geographically undesirable" or 'too far' - suddenly become a 'mission' or 'journey' of powerful determination even from other areas across the globe - we are connected.
In one word, most are
‘overwhelmed.’ It's been a compounding tragic accident heartbreak
along with news of the growing pandemic coronavirus outbreak and there is so
much going on that many are having a hard time processing it all simultaneously
– with grief and tears in one hand; fear and a face mask in the other; it has
been a trying time for most.
Many are feeling lost in a whirlwind
of life's unexpected links at a time when the blank slate of a New Year and
decade held promise at its beginning; and now the reality of coping with said
links, has them searching drowning in emotion.
Heartfelt sympathies and compassion swell
up and uncertainty with GPS for the output of so many places to send love and
prayers and feeling stretched to constructively feel all and do all from the
heart’s intent is like a 24/7 continuous swirl of expending everything at the
same time.
I’ve been asking questions, and
while some people are still ‘processing’ – I understand that right now, everyone
is in a ‘different place’ of how they are trying to come to terms with their
emotions.
My community is mourning, grieving,
and in the giant wave of ‘hush’ - flabbergasted with the tidal wave of events
that have already invaded 2020, tainting the “happy” in Happy New Year.
A few have said they are sitting in
a pool of disbelief and disappointment.
Some have given themselves
permission to throw away their resolutions and instead gravitate to the known
creature comforts for some sort of familiarity, reassurance and nod of
stability in what feels like an unstable shift of worlds.
Others keep asking “Why”… and cannot
make sense of how 2020 is looking at this space, moment and time.
Please Lovely Souls, be reassured –
all of this is natural “processing” – grief affects many differently and we do
not have “one mirror” of what it looks like.
Be gentle with yourself… you
always hear me say this. But at a time
like this, you must – for in being gentle with yourself, you can be gentle with
everyone else, your family, your friends and loved ones, your community and
yes, every stranger.
It is imperative to understand –
some may not have the words; some may have many; some may show the tears on
the outside; some may have a flood of them within.
There is no ‘one’ way to grieve or deal with this on-going level of
processing numerous things we are being bombarded with simultaneously to “understand.”
Understanding may be gradual or it
may come at you all at once, in terms of how YOU deal with your emotions. What matters now, is we allow everyone to
take a breath, a moment and give them the room to deal so they can heal.
It is because I see this, I feel I
must talk about it – and in doing so, maybe I can help someone know they are
seen and they are not hallucinating, this low-vibration does exist right now in
a funky way that it has not existed before simultaneously from ALL directions,
not just one incident, accident, tragedy.
For many 2020 has happened in one
run-on sentence:
With ‘first cases’ of the coronavirus announced from the news hitting cities; the stock market taking a hit;
the tragic death of Kobe Bryant, his daughter and the other families on board; the
growing homelessness crisis shame; the on-going impeachment trial that is
staring directly at us as others wonder what next year will look like based on
who shows up and what candidates can fix it all; and also the daily reminder of
disappearing familiar spots with the numerous other brick-n-mortar closings of
what was once looked at as ‘stable business’ symbolic of security, dying,
closing in front of our eyes, the on-going daily tragedies of shootings,
violence, uproar, even Mother Nature’s perpetual motion - and the endless list
goes on…. Somehow life is feeling like it is on some alternate course, or
alternate universe not of our own choosing.
The one-breath run-on is the wheel
turning and churning in the minds and guts of many in my community and I am
sure it is in yours, thus it was necessary.... even if some cannot even muster energy to talk about - this is a conversation we must have for the well-being of our own communities.
Some call it life's sick and
unwanted tragic plot twist. Some optimistically say it is the road to our next chapter, for
without these things, other things don't get fixed or grow for things no one
knew needed to be fixed/changed or grown.
“Doc…. can we bring back the time
machine?” some may ask…While others are looking forward to a ticket to Mars; as others are Googling what I just said, because they are not
familiar with the “Back to the Future” reference.
Everyone is searching, seeking, reaching, wondering, all through this thing called life, wanting to find answers, understand, feel connected, and make sense of something that doesn't seem real, but is.
If you are experiencing your community
being quiet, acting isolated keeping to themselves, yet walking around like
zombies feeling ‘not quite right’ – and it is here I ask …
“What can I do? How can I serve? Where can I help?”
Perhaps,
it is these three things that may actually be of help – if you are feeling
helpless at this time.
If you are finding no one wants to
talk due to 'still processing' – perhaps it is a good time to do some of your
own reflection in how YOU are processing it all.
- We must look at what we are
learning.
- We must look at what we are being
shown.
- We must listen and be present.
- We must understand that emotional release
is imperative.
- We must see the ways people are
doing this – and be grateful to be alive to witness each and every one being
honest and vulnerable at this time.
- We must say THANK YOU for the
opportunity to be here to do something, share something, and give something
from our hearts right now.
It is here I wanted to write a blog
about the different styles of mourning and grieving that affect our world right
now.
People process sadness
differently. This is where we give respect, space, time and peace for
others to do so in their way.
Yes, sadly the world may feel
uncomfortable, painful and disorganized in a chaotic way.
If you walk outside, you yourself
may see that many are keeping their head down, tuning out the world with
earbuds in.
One could speculate if Bob Marley is
singing “Don’t worry about a thing. Every little thing, is gonna be alright”
– utilized as an affirmation on repeat in an endless loop, in order to convince
one’s soul that it will.
Even if Zen music attempts to heal
inside what is seemingly uncontrollable outside – let it be what you need to
help you through. Crying, journaling,
and at times cocooning can be ways for you to cope. There is no 'one-size-fits-all' way of coping... there is only your way right now and that is okay- Just know - YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I think it is imperative that I say this right now.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. So if you need help, reach out. If you need time, do not hesitate to give yourself the time needed for processing. If you need anything - this is a time for everyone to BE; for some to DO; for others to find and navigate their way to simply BE and DO.
If the earbuds are merely a
"well-placed disguise" for the wearer listening to nothing at all,
because it is already ‘too much’ and it is an effective 'noise barricade,' and
the TV is off – that is okay, too.
Walks in nature or time with animals
may also help you “process.”
But the TRUTH is what will heal you most - your truth, whatever it is you are TRULY FEELING is okay, healthy, human and sacred - you are in it and you can step into and out of your authentic emotions without any judgment, because at this time and place - EVERYONE is going through something.
We are more alike than not as humans/souls in union and it is when we are united we are better than we were before because we can RECOGNIZE the grief in others from first confronting it within ourselves.
Last year, when I wrote, and video recorded the 2019 ascension year - you might have taken the time to prepare yourself for change and transformation, yet may not have been prepared for these unforeseen events. Trust that the footwork you have been doing up until now and through this now is what is helping you rise to your own recognition of your own feelings. It will always be part of the human part of being a work in progress to deal and heal, repeat.
For those of you observing life,
further confused by what you see – do not think your neighbors or friends are
oblivious or immune to what is happening.
While I watch some partying it up as
extreme reversal Twilight Zone, as a means of both denial/escape and also ‘life
is short’ YOLO reality; I see other lone wolves quietly sitting on the curb as
if they are waiting for a parade to come by or perhaps to sit on actual literal
concrete as commentary on what they wish for at this strange and bizarre
time.
Yesterday, I watched a man in his
pajamas and slippers walk in the grocery store grabbing and sniffing the produce in a daze –
as if to inhale LIFE to remind him he is alive.
This was ‘his way.’
Poetically beautiful to my mind's eye and brave to be authentic in how he was grappling with grief, and this funky reality of today's hand dealt.
Sunday, my neighbor’s emotional
support dog ran up to me on two legs (!) becoming my height, wanting to slow dance
--- no joke, as if the dog had enough ‘giving’ being the pillar and needed its
own “outlet” to do some soul refueling and find joy. I slow danced with the dog, as it looked into my eyes, knowing I could see the soul who desperately wanted some recognition of "hey, I may be a dog, but I am human, too."
Everyone is trying to hang in and
hold on, do their best to keep calm and yes, pull themselves out of their funks
to ‘carry on.’
Is it “business as usual?” NO, Lovely Souls – it is not. Take a look around in your own community -
notice, look, listen - but then I will ask you to look closer to truly SEE.
I ask in my nightly prayers, that
everyone be kind, respectful, gentle and patient with each other as people are
trying to ‘find their way’ in a way they cannot process in dealing with all of
the above in simultaneous juggling, while surviving the only way they know how.
Some people are trying their best
just to tread water; others are drowning in their emotions; some are totally
numb; others are thinking this is all a nightmare and feel doomed; while others
are hustling at the 180 degree ambitious direction as fast as they can to keep
going like a moving target cannot be hit; while others are simply M.I.A.
deliberately to find a moment to breathe.
And then there are others like the Orange Coast baseball team who just went out there to carry on the torch playing hard with all heart as tribute for late Coach Altobelli.
No matter who you are --- you have your way of processing. Please know no one (!) can label, define, nor classify how you move forward or through.
I am sending a loving ‘shout out’ recognition to EVERYONE ... you are
NOT invisible to me.
If my saying
this helps you, I will say it again – you are not invisible to me and I send love, light, peace, blessings and healing at this time.
Everything I have written so far is to let
you know you are being acknowledged – and you have every human right to process
your emotions your way… no matter who is saying what or what your community is saying or doing.
People are having to ‘take stock’ of
what matters right now – not just in action, but how to process reaction and what it means internally for what
it pushes forward in confrontation. It’s
not easy to look at for many; while others are grateful to be able to be alive
here to see it at all.
The big question on everyone’s mind
is like an elephant in the room asking the big question WHY?
Sometimes, finding the ‘answer’ to
all of the above cannot be given in one word, one sentence or even made sense
of, as change is its own beast that makes us FEEL things, SEE things –
sometimes painful, sometimes not always graceful and sometimes unspeakable,
even if you think you have a lot to say on the matter.
Let’s discuss what IS happening from
the state of shock, the hot buttons of fear and mortality, pain and empathy so
deep that it makes your heart hurt, swelling compassion, a brain of duality in
fogginess and numbness simultaneously with one in swirling ways to “process”
everything with logic when there is none to make sense of the senseless.
Whether you are out there in the
purple and gold communing; or you are holding a sign and marching forward; or
you are doing the status quo to get through; or you are in the trenches of
tears; or you are out there living your life with face masks on, Purell handy
and not wanting to crack a smile, let alone BREATHE - you are being YOU…your unique being of
dealing so you can proceed to healing, your way.
At this time, Lovely Souls – we must
find compassion and not allow fear to divide us when we are being given a tapestry of threads that can unite us in some way to be compassionate and helpful, heart-to-heart and given every minute and moment of still being here to say and do something.
For some, emotions come to the
surface in recognition that we never know from day-to-day what the day will
bring. For others, the feeling of
passionate action envelops them without any real means of control. For others still, there are many who shake
their heads in disbelief, wondering what 2020 has brought into this new decade,
this New Year, this fresh slate of unexpected emotional homework that no one
asked for, or prepared for.
On the flip-side, new things are
changing our everyday reality. New
milestones and discoveries are being made and some of it is too much ‘overload’
for the senses to digest, much less examine because of the overshadowing other
events that bring us all back down from the clouds to deal with a bunch of new
things hitting us.
Some people are feeling guilty for
celebrating life and some good things happening to them because of all that is
happening, feeling as if it is inappropriate.
Others are actually celebrating
their own personal milestones even harder, when brought to light they may not
have tomorrow to do it and don’t take today for granted, for that is their 'take away.'
We are not here to judge. So let's stop that now. We are here to support, so let's be that now.
Still, many are feeling the need to
take a ‘sick day’ into a cocooned multiple sabbatical in order to feel whole
again or right again or to deal with what is feeling like for many like
helplessness and hopelessness but yet in the same breath of wanting to “do
something” in order to feel like a contributing in the only way they know how.
As I see my fellow artists trying to
‘create’ in order to exorcise what lies within; I see A-types slowing down to
regroup and reflect; and I see others not knowing what to do at all so they’re
marinating in some sort of icky stew that is making them feel something that
has not been felt to this degree in a myriad of ways.
It is here I say to you…
I see all of you.
I feel all of you.
I know all of you in all I described
above and even too much to write that I haven’t fully described, but what
words, thoughts and feeling ping-pong cerebrally, and soulfully within my
existence.
Whether you are from another
generation, another culture, another world in dealing with what is in front of
you right now – what we all share as the common denominator is, we are human and
we FEEL.
And it is with this, I extend my heart, my hands, my
compassion and love radiating outward like a light – which is all I know to do
right now along WITH YOU, and may it be somehow comforting.
THIS is something I CAN DO and quite
frankly anyone CAN DO, even if you don’t quite know all the things to do.
There are so many words within me to unleash from my psyche,
my soul, my heart, my being and yet, somehow none of them seem adequate enough
to convey or articulate all I wish to say from the purest place of wanting to
say the right thing that will make things right.
WE ALL HAVE WITHIN US – that super elixir from the beating
heart called LOVE and it is the only thing that will accomplish healing in the
process of dealing with what is happening.
We are all being asked to see who we are in this light, how
we become stronger in this moment and from here do the best we can to digest,
deal, heal and find a way to make sense of life, even when at a time it does
not.
The truth is, none of us are the
same people yesterday or the day before or last week, month or year or
years. Change, loss, and things that
make us think, feel and react are meant to make us shift ourselves, act a
certain way, even if ‘that way’ is unknown much like how life is, just when we
think we even have a tiny finger on the pulse of figuring it all out.
We are all human in this way. The bigger question is have our souls come to
a place of recognizing this fully?
We are in constant shift,
ever-changing and are asked to move by the Universe – even in times we all may
feel paralyzed by change, by events, by life and yes, death and yes, the
unfathomable economic ups and downs, the viruses and tragic accidents that
change our lives forever in a way that we are not the same.
As I am watching people recoil in
safety to heal and process and as I am watching people do the opposite and try
to escape, and as I am watching people realize they don’t know what to say or
do, I felt the need to say something if anything just to somehow infuse LIFE
into a BREATH of the SPOKEN WORD.
May it be yours to hold onto in
‘knowing’ there is no ‘one way’ to feel, do, act, or be that is a one-size fits
all mold for everyone. We each have our
own methods of processing and they are necessary for humanity and we are lucky
in that our feelings can be shared if we wish to share them on our terms – even
if we don’t quite know how to laundry list them in identification in a pretty
package.
I’m just here to say, I am with you. Sometimes knowing you
are not alone somehow instills its own way of validation or reinforcement that
it is natural to be exactly where you are right now feeling exactly as you
do.
And while right now, I have no verse
and my words are imperfect and inadequate to sum up in entirety all that I see,
think, hear, feel, comprehend, and express – and NO ONE’S magic words are – let
us all be gentle with ourselves and each other as we go through all of it,
removing judgment and breeding more compassion and love in the process.
May we find kindness and respect,
love and harmony when it may be the ONLY thing we can do right at a time when
no one knows exactly how to process everything.
May we find gratitude for being alive right
here, right now, today in the present moment and be grateful for the fact we
are lucky enough to be able to do so is something… anything, even if we deem it
to be ‘not enough.’
Because truth be told, even if in a
small way whatever you do, however you pray, do or say something that can help
even just one person or more at this time of processing what we are all
experiencing at this time, may that be its own little light to shine on in
guiding the way through this pathway and may we all be in this to help each
other TOGETHER.
In comfort, peace, love and let there be healing light. Amen.
Namaste.
