Sunday, December 2, 2018


“Why does life have to be so hard?” whined the college boy in the aisles of the grocery store as he threw the 50% cacao chocolate back after hearing from his buddy that their mutual gal pal only eats 72% higher, so what he had in his hand would not be satisfactory.

I silently observed this scene to myself in total amusement as my brain appreciated their crossing on several multi-dimensional layers of present road, past road, future road, Earthly being/existence, soul awareness, and current mainstream human sitcom dilemma. 

Yeah, I admit, it is pretty entertaining inside my brain at times. 

As someone who is a self-proclaimed chocolate theobromian snob due to both health reasons and my former chocolatier humble beginnings, I concur with her boundaries, though I empathized with the uninformed one in that he must have felt frustrated to just be learning this new piece of information.

  • His friend knew the key piece of information, which probably frustrated him more… how could his friend know what he didn’t when they both were shopping for same said friend and why wasn’t it shared before the excursion/mission to go do so?  What was THE REASON his didn’t his buddy share this earlier before the mission began?
  •  Was their friend selective with what information she shared?

  • Did she value one friend more to reveal something she did not to the other in her preferences as a piece of her own personal preferences? 

  • Did she do so only because one friend had bothered to listen or simply because one failed to ask questions?

  • Was there a communication disconnect from the uninformed one, in that maybe he never bothered to ask her said question but his friend had or at least had been paying attention?

  • Or was the uninformed one so caught up in the bubble of his own ideas of what to get that his friend’s preferences and choices were invisible? 

  • Was there a greater communication disconnect in that if they were going to go do this, that they didn’t discuss said agenda/choices to make the journey a tad easier to plan, shop and make this as painless as possible?

  • Was this a logistical-task difference between their two brains in how they tackle a mission?

  • Or was this simply a ‘go with the flow’ and not worry until getting to said crossing they both share?

What was more interesting than all of the above is that the uninformed one thinks THIS is what makes life hard.

Where we can be compassionate and understanding is for all of us to see that if buying chocolate is hard for  him… he may have a harder road to cross later when something more significant or challenging comes across his pathway.  You are not supposed to judge him, but perhaps this is where you need to ask yourself – HOW do you identify ‘life being hard?’
How we compartmentalize “difficulty” or “challenge” is subjective, is it not?  

Everyone is doing the best they can with WHAT THEY HAVE and whatever their limited abilities are along said journey for the moment until they have actually walked through something different. 

Each individual processes life’s challenges differently – and no one’s journey is easier or harder. It may appear that way on the outside, but you have NO IDEA what is really going on in the background or what bridges people have crossed or roads they have walked until you yourself have walked them.

I decided to write blog because it has been recently brought to my attention that my brain operates on simultaneous odd/weird cylinders and pistons from what you just read that I was told ‘normal’ other folks do not go through in 15 seconds to ask said questions. 

Personally, I had no idea this is how I was perceived  - it’s not like people display their opinions about that for me to digest and rarely does anyone share their thoughts, rather they just come back to this well in their own silent observation.  

In my reality, sometimes my journalist hat is worn more often than not.  But this could be my perception and not my reality and that is simply the point I am making with this blog today. And while I am not a stranger to being called ‘abnormal’ - which in reality is just someone’s perception of me being different from them, but aren’t we all different from one another?
Anyway, if the chocolate shoppers were on public display for their day, and it was someone other than me observing them, they might have been compartmentalized and labeled by a series of opinions - which may not be true or accurate. 

Should you find the above helpful in your own communicative problem-solving, let me know on social media. 

Let’s start tackling the idea that ‘this is hard’ – but before we do that, let’s ponder something…

  • ·         If you were the uninformed shopper, what would you be thinking/feeling right now?
  • ·         If you were his buddy, how would you see the situation and what would you do    next?
  • ·         If you were the girl recipient of said chocolate who had no idea this went on, how would you see this situation if you were the fly on the wall and what would your very own perception be from where you sit in reality?

This whole blog you have started reading is not about chocolate at all.  I utilized it as a way for you to see beyond the chocolate, even if you are eating it as you read this.

What we miss in the day-to-day of our communications is the understanding that while words are exchanged, so much is missed… 

Social media folks may have called the ‘uninformed one’ simply a ‘whiner.’  They might have given him a label he did not deserve, because they looked at him with a lack of compassion or putting themselves in his shoes to perhaps remember a time they’ve been in a similar spot.

Some may have judged the buddy for not being a good friend, while others may have judged their mutual friend who may have no idea they were shopping for chocolate at all as someone who was simply more comfortable in sharing information about likes and dislikes.

I see this all as a series of miscommunications or lack of communications and processing of communications in different ballgames for all three of the people – inclusive of the chocolate recipient who may have no idea this entire scene went on in the grocery store. 

How do I know?  This is what I do for a living.

Many people sit in the wounded ego place of being judged simply because they are misunderstood.  But how can we as a society change that if we do not do the work ourselves to understand how we are not bothering to take the time to ponder where another sits by putting ourselves in their said shoes?

For all you shoe-lovers out there, let me please wake you up from your shoe (and chocolate) induced comas for just a moment and ask yourself of all the shoes you own in your own closet, how many other people's shoes have you bothered to put yourself in, in the arena of compassion, understanding and improved communications to improve your circle of relationships?

This question comes to you - not as a judgment for what world you've been living in, but merely as a generous offering for you to put your feet in for just a moment to think about how you can improve your life beyond retail therapy and improve your daily communications in the world you encounter day-to-day.

What goes on inside of a person, whether articulated or not is where everything begins and if we don’t start with that, we have a lot of road blocks on every crossing – whether it is a tunnel, a bridge or an artery of roads and superhighways in life that have their own sig-alerts.

So let me ask you….

  • ·         How do you look at challenges and how do you identify their level of difficulty?
  • ·         Where are you lacking in your own communication and how often are you misunderstood?
  • ·         What responsibility do you take for your communications?
Hopefully, I’ve opened up some entertaining cans of 72% chocolate covered worms here.

Bon Appetit.