Tuesday, October 4, 2016


Have you ever been asked the question, “Where do you see yourself XYZ number of years from now?” 

Most people who ask this question ask it in an attempt to assess your ability for goal setting.
However, no one bothers to realize the truth is that no matter what your answer is, or how many goals you set – wherever you are in say five or ten years, is not always something within your control.

Whether you are pro-active or passive, sometimes there are major life events, which change the course of your life.  Sometimes you do not foresee a certain set-back, or detour; sometimes you don’t expect to have a car accident or have an illness or have a death in the family. 

Sometimes, you may not have expected to change your college major or your career or have children or _________(fill in the blank).

The only constant is change.

The only real answer to the question “Where do you see yourself in XYZ years from now?” is – “Well I hope (XYZ) –but it is not an exact plan and there is room for the unexpected to change that plan.” 

This would be the TRUTHFUL answer. 

You may have heard the saying, “I am a work in progress” far too often.

The reality is that construction and reconstruction is part of LIFE.

Nothing stays the same forever.

We all change whether or not we choose to grow up or try to defy age or time.

With that process in progress, we shift our mindset and perspective to adapt and become flexible within the parameters of these said changes.  

On a daily basis, we experience events which affect our LIFE LINKS – and we are never the same after these LINKS are affected.

This is the process of transformation CONSTRUCTION WORK.  Sometimes transformation is in the movement of a millimeter; sometimes in monumental proportion – depending on the event and the openness to allow the change to enter.

Some people can view it negatively.

Some can view it positively.

Others may be indifferent, but remain open to new ideas about what the change has done and adopt it as something they want to keep or discard.

When animals mark things, they have a way of owning what they like along the way.  People are no different, when they decide a particular behavior, lifestyle change, material object or thought process suits them.

Suddenly, this becomes a new “This is me” adaptation of ownership and becomes part of who you are. 

As children, we learn this from our parents and family.  From our traditions, customs, rituals and preferences, we observe and adopt ways of doing things.

From how you wash your car to how you celebrate holidays to how you develop your daily habits when you wake up to when you go to bed – much of these behavioral practice is adopted and then later adapted to your liking as you go along in life.

But what happens when these LIFE LINKS are something you suddenly disagree with, or no longer resonate with who you are as an adult person?  Maybe you adapted some new ways of doing things by the circle of friends you keep or through a romantic relationship or maybe your neighbors or co-workers create new methods or processes.

This is part of the RECONSTRUCTIVE LINKS chain and ONLY YOU get to decide which part is back under construction vs. what remains intact. 

During this process, many people in your life may not “understand” what you are doing or think they don’t really ‘know you’ anymore.  

This is true in one aspect – you are changing, you are evolving, you are becoming and growing into someone new.

This is false in another realm – as you are always going to be YOURSELF and the core of who you are does not change, even if you decide to put some of your links under construction to make a particular life shift, which is more in tune with your authentic self being realized. 

What can you do during this time to cope with the transformation? 

STAY THE COURSE.  This is not a time to allow or give permission for others to try to make you “stay stunted.”   You have to understand the root of where they are coming from – and that is that they are coming from a place of fear.  

Read that again. FEAR. They are fearing that they are losing you.

In essence, they are.  They are losing the old you and they may resent the fact that you are making the choice for your own life to ‘not stay the same.’  But this has NOTHING to do with YOU… this has more to do with who they are and what their fear is in losing their identity to THE OLD YOU.

If they truly accept you and all that you are, you will see acceptance and find authentic support.  You may even inspire them to look inside themselves to do some reconstruction on their own links, which no longer provide a purposeful existence. 

Change is not always easy.  But it takes a lot of courage to not only take the leap to reconstruct, but to stand firmly and allow everything else to fall away in the process.

Sometimes this is painful and yes, it is natural to become nostalgic or melancholy about your past.  However, the past is not all that you are and does not define all that you are.  It can shape and mold who you are today from whatever you learned; but it does not restrict your growth unless you allow it.

Reconstructing your links means taking the time to examine and revisit behaviors and processes, which don’t work for you in order to redefine and open yourself up to learning so that you can move forward into your NEW LINKS.

Patience with yourself along your journey provides you with the ability to make better, smarter and positive changes for yourself to continue growing into the direction you aspire to dance within.  

So where you see yourself is more about how you adapt, adjust, accept and flow into what you choose to do as much as it has to do with what you didn’t choose, but choose to learn from in order to create CONSTRUCTIVE LINKS. 

It is within this construction process, we acquire the building blocks of life in order to rebuild our life into what it is we wish to co-create along with how life unfolds in the unexpected.  

CONSTRUCTIVE LINKS are taking our strengths from both the good and challenging experiences and become the architect of building something we did not foresee into something even more beautiful than we planned or imagine.

In the process of combining these elements, we then evolve and transform in the reconstructive phase to construct something exceptional within our own being and experiences, which make us all individually unique exactly as we are.