It is not very often
people freely openly discuss the topic of loss, until something big happens to
open up a conversation. Sometimes a
conversation about loss begins after a huge natural disaster like a hurricane,
tornado, fire, Tsunami, or earthquake; war, violence, global tragedy; or
sometimes the death of an icon. Often
times for families, one loss of a loved one is enough to rattle one’s existence
into a spiral that changes the entire dynamic forever and the loss ends up
tearing a unit apart rather than draw people closer.
Regardless of how the
conversation starts, the LINK of loss is about grief. No matter what kind of loss happens, life
just does not ever return to being the same ever again.
First, let me just say THERE IS NO TEMPLATE for dealing with grief, so you go right ahead and do what it is you need to do to transform through it. There is no timeline for this and everyone is different, so take stock in this and realize that no one can or should rush you. It is normal and healthy to go through it as you need to.
Now... on the other side of living life and releasing...
First, let me just say THERE IS NO TEMPLATE for dealing with grief, so you go right ahead and do what it is you need to do to transform through it. There is no timeline for this and everyone is different, so take stock in this and realize that no one can or should rush you. It is normal and healthy to go through it as you need to.
Now... on the other side of living life and releasing...
What happens during this
process of grief and loss is the creation of a LINK of transformation.
When life changes, people’s mental, emotional
and physical being transforms to affect all the other life LINKS within one’s
makeup. Sometimes a LINK can be broken even if we think we fixed it or
addressed it long ago. Sometimes, it
only holds a dent – but the dent becomes rusted and we do not realize how that
is altering our performance in our own evolution and growth as a human.
Our cells within the
human body have memory. They hold
trauma, even as far back as childhood.
We can do all of the footwork of overcoming emotional and mental
anguish, however the body still carries memory cells of the scar. This would explain ‘why’ people talk about
the ‘forgiveness’ in such a way where there is forgiveness but one never
forgets.
This is true when it
comes to the physical being. The human body
can ‘remember’ that one time it fell off the bicycle, or when it reacted to a
bee sting.
While a remarkable
machine, the human body also can recall loss and how the body responded when
the emotional “being” triggers a similar emotion. It’s how the brain knows how to tell the eyes
to ‘cry’ or how the brain can trigger a physiological response of feeling like
one’s stomach is in one’s throat or how a heart can actually “hurt” from said
loss.
LINKS of transformation
occur in changing our body chemistry with every experience we have, which is
why it is most important to address “reaction.”
The idea of a chain reaction happening when we do not address what is
causing internal turmoil can have larger effects on health than we realize.
We can address emotional
‘loss’ on an emotional level, but if we stop there – we are doing our bodies a
disservice by not checking out every participant in our physiological
experience from mentally, intellectually, spiritually, chemically, as well as
emotionally in order to address the physical.
What ends up happening is we fall into bad habits as a way of coping
with ‘something not quite right’ rather than get to the root cause we may have
thought we already addressed.
Humans are conditioned to
‘keep going’ and have this ‘no pain, no gain’ mentality pushing through
something, rather than easing through
because of the immediate gratification syndrome of wanting things to be over,
as soon as possible. Everyone is in a mad rush to ‘get through’ something bad
or sad so that they can return to the ‘happy place.’
The bigger issue is that
everything has its own time and place of healing, on every level right down to
the cellular level within our being.
“Rushing through” the process of loss and grief, does not allow the
human and the soul to properly transform, in a healthy way by going through the
experience as nature intended.
We are resilient souls,
yes. However, are not invincible
ones. We are not machines. We are not meant to “rush” through anything
we experience, because we were given a life span for a reason – to live life as
we are living it in the unfolding process.
Human need for immediate
gratification has forced the human psyche to “rush” for “instant” results in
everything from eating, to daily errands, multitasking, getting through the
common cold, and compacting a twenty-four hour period with what appears to be
more than what is humanly possible.
What humans do not
realize until they are forced to stop, rest and are confined to doing
absolutely nothing is that while “machines” like computers to robots and
electronic devices can ‘speed up’ life’s activities; it is ultimately also
speeding up death because we were not designed to try to ‘keep up’ with said
machines on a twenty-four-seven/always-on basis.
At some point the body says,
“NO, you must rest, you must decompress in order to reboot.”
Instead, the human relies
upon chemicals from energy drinks and caffeine to prescription medication;
mental distractions of doing things or other ‘quick fixes’ to continue the
madness of the speed-of-light productivity that the body was not technically
designed to do.
Grief and loss can then
embed themselves into the body DNA memory card as a ‘shoved in the back of the
garage to deal with later’ as the human continues to speed through life to keep
up with exterior demands rather than doing the forty-two point inspection check
within.
Grief and loss may have
been dealt with on an emotional or surface level, but the rest of the mechanics
have been neglected, because we were not conditioned to understand or believe
that you have to treat the root cause of the pain in order to fully get the
LINK of transformation to be realized.
It is in this, we must
discover that grief and loss is a process and there is no set timer for when it
is proper for healing to be done, until it is so.
When we allow ourselves
the proper time to digest our experience, our emotions, and our strengths as a
result, of walking through the experience itself, we see who we are destined to
become from how we handle our own growth.
Every single experience
we have in life transforms us. However,
in order for us to grow ultimately from experiencing every event and healing
fully and completely on every level, can we then grasp the purpose for the time
allotted to recover.
Our lives are like a
tapestry. Each stitch we have represents
all of our happiness and joy, tragedy and pain, love and loss, hardships and
victories making our own lives as unique as we are.
We must own our own
tapestry and choose which stitches take longer to stitch instead of trying to
finish it all in one swoop. There is no
guideline, because our own life has its own map and our tapestry need not look the
same, as everyone else has in order to label ourselves as ‘normal.’
It is unhealthy to force yourself
to ‘speed up’ the process of anything if the pace itself exceeds the work that
must be done for thorough processing and healing.
Others may make
suggestions as to how they would work on their own tapestries, but ours is not
for their graffiti. Therefore, if it
takes you longer to grieve your loss or work through your loss, your life is
yours in the process of becoming its own creation, based on when you are ready
to address what it is you face.
Our LIFE LINKS are our
own LINKS. Not everyone’s chain looks the
same – not every one’s chain is the same length or style, either - as life lessons, growth and soul work are as unique as the individual's destined pathway.
Until we acknowledge our
own safety within the time we need to process everything at a natural and
reasonable place and space, we do not evolve or transform exactly as we need in
order to continue on the journey as it was intended. Trying to meet up to
unrealistic expectations of the machine-level rather than the human one is
going to inevitably fail until we accept our own timeline of living through
everything we experience.
We have all somehow
psyched ourselves into the habit of not taking personal time off or sick days
for respite, as we have programmed our ideal being into thinking that we are
weaker for doing so; rather than being courageous to address things we need to
appropriately.
It is in our own
declaration of reclaiming health and well-being as something we own as our own
life path, can we then see how imperative it is to respect who we are enough to
honor who we are enough to heal and be. It is HERE we have more WITHIN to radiate out to the world with understanding, compassion and respect.
The complete mind, body,
soul, and spirit healing is an inside job, not just an external one and it is
when we address all of it, that we rediscover how our LINKS can be transformed
in change, adaptation, healing and well-being.
Namaste.
